[new house: Change is Good.]

Well.  I've been silent, only because I've been busy.  In fact - I've got a to-do list the length of my arm for today ... but instead - I thought I'd stop, breathe and jot down what's been going on around here.

When we bought our current home, it was with the intent that we would stay here forever.  At least that's what I thought ... my hubby, not-so-much.  When I met him, he was a builder - his father is a builder, his brother is a builder - and it was always his dream to build his own home.

I won't lie - it was kinda hot thinking that he could *grin*.

Fast forward 5 years and three kiddies - and we needed to decide where our kids would attend school.  We chose a school about 20 minutes away, on the other side of town ... and each day that I carpool I have been reminded of what my hubby said, "one day, we will build."

Now, school is out - but a couple of weeks ago, I felt like I was drowning in the WASTE of time that was known as "driving".  I was watching Katia in the rear-view-mirror a few times a day ... I was finding that I couldn't finish anything I started, for having to pack up and drive out to pick up for preschool, then grade school ... some days I drove back and forth 6 times.

I called my hubby, crying.  "I don't care WHAT we live in, we just have to be closer to the school ... this is craziness."  We love the school, and want our kids to have roots there ... with Tias going into grade 3, there are extra curricular activities offered to him next year.  Siah will be in kindergarten ... and Katia in preschool, two days a week.  That's a LOT of driving.

Now, I don't know if that was the push he needed, or if it just happened to be perfect timing, but within two weeks we were new owners ... 

Let me introduce you to our 38year old home, on 1.08acres ... FOUR minutes from the school!!

And our street ... a dead end, all 1 acre lots ... quiet, flat, big trees ... 

Now ... our current home is so lovely.  It's 3700 square feet ... open concept, totally renovated to our liking ... and our new place?  Um.  Well ... let's just say, it's going to be a big change for us - in a good way ... but a change, none-the-less.

My new kitchen ... about 1/2 the size of what I have now.

The eating area (won't be hosting grand parties anytime soon, I think ...) ... with dusty rose carpet.  But let me tell you ... it's immaculate.  The owners were incredibly meticulous in taking care of this home.

... laundry:  IN the kitchen.

The deck.

The hallway.  And me, taking a photo of it.

The one bathroom upstairs, very blue, with a door to our "master" bedroom as well.

Our master bedroom ... 

We are thinking this will be Katia's room - right across the hall from us.

This room is VERY small ... possibly to be used for storage or some of our bedroom furniture that won't fit in the master bedroom ... 

The cozy living area ... This room felt so lovely to me.  I imagined a Christmas tree in the corner, watching the snow fall out the massive window.  The fireplace is so nice too ... 

Downstairs (well - main floor, I guess - as it's a basement entry house) - is unfinished.  We will be putting up the drywall and inexpensive flooring before we move in.  This will be the kid's space ... couches, TV and toys.

This room is on the entry-level ... both boys will sleep in here.  At least that's the plan.  If it's a problem, then that small upstairs room will house Katia and Josiah will get the room that's currently assigned to her.  We shall see.

The main-level bathroom.  So ... there are two bathrooms in total.

We have a girl who lives with us ... this will be her room.  So yeah, that's 5 bedrooms - and one of the main reasons we knew this would a perfect place for us ... for now.

Why do I say, "for now"?  Because THIS is why we bought the house.  THIS is the view from my kitchen window.  THIS is our future ... 

Now ... over the last 3 years (specifically), we've been praying that the Lord would "increase our territory".  Lu and I have a massive heart for hosting and having people in our home.  From our very first basement suite, we've been having large groups in our home - people stopping by and staying longer than planned ... we love it.  But as our friend group has gotten "older", so have their kids ... and how many kids they have.  We were finding that we weren't able to do what we dreamed of, in the house we currently live in.

But there were specific things we needed - and so we prayed and waited.  Firstly, the land HAD to be flat for the homeplan we wanted to build.  Secondly, it had to be close to the school.  Thirdly, it had to be more than 1/2 an acre.  Fourthly, we prayed for a home on the property that we could live in while we build - rather than carry two mortgages, or have to rent.  And that house would HAVE to be in a location on the property so that we COULD build, while living there.  Finally, it had to be a good price.

Well ... after 3 years and me thinking that it would NEVER happen, me thinking my hubby was too picky, me thinking that our dreams were too big.  Well - it's happened.  I still can't believe it.

 ... I brought the boys out to see it ... and they found some sticks and began playing just as I had dreamed they would.  Now - moving is a scary thing ... change can make me nervous.  And when you trade in the "city" for the "country", you lose the ability to bike-ride to Coldstone for ice-cream on a hot summers day.  Your kids may or may not have neighbour kids to play with ... you lose the convenience of popping into the bank, or picking up milk or whatever ...

BUT.  There will be days that I will drop off and pick up my kids from school, and never see a stoplight.  The local farmers sell produce and farm-eggs ... the peace and quiet, the imagination and space our kids will have.

It's all quite overwhelming.

So the plan?  Well ... we get the keys in September, so we'll move in and start planning the next stage.  It takes a LOT of time to build - but we really aren't in any rush.  We're there - where we're going to be - and the rest is just the Lord's timing.

We plan to be in this new place for about a year, and then will start building - and that'll take, what, 8months?  A year?  I'm not really sure ... but watching the process, having my kids see it all happen ... living there.  

I'm so excited.

And THAT .., that is what's been going on around here.  So - you wanna buy our house?? *grin*

Have a great one!!

(** all photos were taken with my IPhone ... what a handy little gadget ... )

[big dreams: Got Me a Goal, I Do.]

OK.

If you're one of my FB friends you may have seen this.  Last night I posted a status saying one word:  thinking.   And it ended up being a massive convo where I found myself excited, deciding on a new goal for myself.

Aside from a million other things going on in my head last night - I started thinking about my running.  I've been saying for a while, that I want to do a marathon.  One day.  But - as it was pointed out to me last night - am I actually being smart about how to train for that??

I had been chatting with CHW and she was right ... I need more than a "birthday-lose-a-couple-pounds-goal."  I need something hardcore.  I'm goal oriented.  I like to plan, attack and conquer (in a very 5ft tall, feminine sort of way *wink*).

SO.  There's a half marathon in September.  $48.00 to register.  And I think that I'm going to do it.    Notice my liiiiittle bit of hesitation ... I don't like to say something and not follow through (although, this totally happens to me at the best of times ... ).

But 21.1km.  That's crazy far.  Like ... 3 hours?  2 hours??  A million hours????

Yikes.  My heart's racing.

The furthest I've run is 12.2km.  And although I didn't die - I'm pretty sure I'm not able to double that right now.  I've got to figure out how to train for such a thing ... and figure out how I'm going to find the time to do it too.  I mean, taking 1.5/2hrs in a day to run ... then cool down, shower, begin the day??  Oh ... k.   Thinking outloud here ... but I'm guessing that with daylight savings, I just might be doing this once the kiddies are in bed?

I don't have to decide this right now, do I?

And there's a website that I've been told about - Runners World.  There is a BUCKETLOAD of info there ... I'm going to dig into it this week while I suffer from being a playoff-hockey-widow *wink*.  

So ... who's in??  MK - you were a part of that convo ... you know I'm coming after you *grin*.  NS?  You in? I know you're a runner ... and LOVED your comment on my neurotic post *grin*. Girl - you have no idea how neurotic I am ... my brain never, ever stops.

To all of you out there who think, "I could never ... ", I'm realizing in my old age *eyeroll* that there really isn't anything that you can't do.  You've heard it a million times before ... If I can do it, anyone can.  And that's the truth.  Anyone who has known me knows that I'm really not an athlete - I've never been passionate about my health like this before.

Go on - you can do it.  Post your goal and I'll gladly cheer you on :-)!!!

Have a great one ... Xx

[redhandedphotography: Grandma Hannah & Granddaughter Adrienne.]

Thanks so much for all the lovely comments yesterday ... I actually found myself coming back and rereading my "You're Beautiful" post - trying to take my own words to heart.  I love when an idea for a post comes together - I had been thinking about it for weeks now - and then, with meeting Grandma Hannah - it just worked out to be perfect timing.

And I loved this photoshoot ...

You can see a million more photos, along with a little write-up, at my RedHanded Photography blog HERE.

On another front - my life has been busy.  Musically, busy - if that makes any sense.  I'm leading worship at our church's Recovery Service this Sunday night, leading at the Elevate Conference next Friday night and Saturday/night and then also leading again next Sunday morning at our church.  So - there'll also be a band practice Tuesday night for the conference, and a Thursday night practice for Sunday morning.  WOW.  It's either all or nothing, it seems *laughing* ... because after that - I'm not on until May.  

OH.  And ... the scale was nice to me this morning ... I know, I know, I shouldn't weigh myself.  But I do.  Every morning.  For me, it helps me be accountable.  And yes, it is also a discourager at times ... I know of people who say, "throw the scale away ... numbers don't matter."  Well.  I'm old school.  For me, it matters.  And the numbers on the measuring tape matter too.

So eventhough it's not a Monday morning weigh-in ... today's weight was:  131.4lbs - I was this a few weeks ago, but it's the lowest I've been (along with that date) - down 2lbs this week.  I'm so close to the 120's, I can taste it.  But here's the really exciting part for me ... my waist:  29.3".   I wish that I had blogged my numbers when I did the "Biggest Loser" before I had Katia.  I didn't, because it was a competition and I didn't want my competitors knowing how I was doing.  But I THINK that I'm actually almost pre-preggo-post-Biggest-Loser.  I know that I weighed in at 130lbs, but I don't know what my inches were.  I know that I'm stronger, and more fit  now than I was then.  

Yesterday I ran my 5km, taking off 25 seconds off from my last run ... tomorrow will be my long run - at least 8km - weather permitting.  Haven't done that in a few weeks ... it's time to not just worry about breaking 30min on my 5km (which, let's be honest, is practically an impossibility for me considering I'm huffing it at 32:23).  And today?  Jillian's Shred level 3.  It has me in the plank stage for almost half of it ... but I think that it's tightening up all the loose stuff on me :-).

What else?

I've got a lot of projects that I'm still working on ... for those of you who think I've forgotten - I have not.  The book of collective stories about the experience of losing a child is still in the works.  I need to email all of you who have contributed to let you know that ... so sorry that I haven't.  But it's being worked on - it's just taking longer than I had thought.  I'll post more on that soon.  

I've also almost completed all of the digiscrapping from the family cruise that I went on this past August with the 26 of us.  It's been so fun reliving it all, remembering funny stories - and choosing which of the bazillion images are going to go into the digiscrap album.  As of last night, I've done over 30+pages.  And I have about eight more to go ... my mom will be happy to read that *grin*.  She loves getting her own printed copy of my digialbums.  Soon, mom ... soon!

Then there's RHP ... I'm meeting with another wedding client today.  Oh - and there's a birthday party tonight that I'm looking forward to.  Um, what else ... well, I haven't been songwriting in the last couple of weeks.  I was working on before going away and I like what it's sounding like so much that I'm scared to write lyrics and mess it up ... for me, once I have lyrics, it's hard to change it ... and I want it to be perfect (fat chance).  

Hmmm.  I guess that's it?

Wow.  What mish-mash post. 

I liked yesterday's better.

Ah well.

Have a great one!!  And don't forget to visit my RedHanded Photography blog ... and leave a comment if you do.  Would love to hear from you *wink*.

Have a great one!

[big dreams: Am I on Candid Camera?]

Have you ever seen that show, "Candid Camera"?  It's that show where people are put into ridiculous circumstances, only to be told that they're being filmed and the situation is a big hoax.

Well - I don't really feel like my life is an episode of Candid Camera, but I'm still spinning from the events of this last weekend.  And I thought I'd give you a little update on what's been going on since then ... 

So - Sunday was a normal Sunday.  Church in the morning, family over for lunch, and a great time at the Recovery Service in the evening.  Monday - was a full day ... but once the kiddies were in bed, and my hubby was off to his hockey game, I headed downstairs with my laptop and stared at the piano.

"Where do I start?" I thought.

I have a few ideas about different songs that I feel are living inside of me.  They're all God-songs ... but I have a couple of "themes" that I feel my songs should be about.

I put my hands on the piano, took a deep breath, and ... just started playing.

After about an hour, I had a good start on a song - well - musically.  No melody or lyrics yet.  I turned on my laptop, recorded what I created (if I walk away for a few minutes, I always fear everything I created will vanish) - and it felt ... good.

It's a little bit sad because I'm away from my piano for a bit - but I have the recording ... so while I can't actually perfect it musically, I'm going to try and set some time aside to figure out what the song is about, working on lyrics and a melody.

I'm excited.

So why the title, "Am I on Candid Camera?"

Well ... after I worked on my songwriting, I came upstairs, my hubby came home - and I got a FB message from the guy at the show.  The one who asked me how my music was coming along.  He wrote me.  Me.  He said he wants to hear what I'm working on ... I was giddy.

And then, literally minutes later, I got a twitter from another wonderful worship-leader friend - and he wrote, "hey - we should get together and do songs.  it would be gold."  Or something like that.  

Two songwriters, connecting with me.  ME.

Where's the camera???  ** looking over my shoulder **

Have a great one!

[big dreams: Spinning Head.]

I don't know what to really post about this ... but my head is spinning "right 'round, baby, right 'round ..."

This past weekend I went with my hubby to a "concert" of sorts ... full of local musicians; some people that I've known about for a long time, some people that I've heard about and couldn't wait to hear in person.  It was a casual setting, with guests standing, sitting, chatting, dancing ... I saw a lot of faces from a lifetime ago - and it makes these things even more fun to go to ... 

At the back of the room during one of the sets, I found myself chatting with an old acquaintance who is pretty much a full-on genius when it comes to producing amazing music ... And after a few minutes of playing catchup, he looked and me and asked, "So, Tawn.  What are you doing with your music?"

Um.  **insert cricket chirps here ... **

See ... the very first time I met him, he actually came to an event that I lead worship for.  Or something like that - kinda more like a worship special event. A bunch of us were thrown together and formed this  worship band.  We were doing local gigs (can you call worship nights gigs??) and we had all these dreams of God and music and creating and traveling and and and and.

But - that dream never happened. 

And that's been totally fine.  It hasn't been a disappointment, although I've sometimes wondered what would've happened if our group had been able to stick it out and have it as a priority. See my "sliding doors" post for more on that ... but, I've had an amazing time leading worship at different churches -  especially at my home church ( you can check out "worship" in my filing drawer of this blog ... ) and as you may or may not know, I have dreams of heading back east to Virginia and DC at some point ... (still not sure what that looks like).  So, it's not at all like my music dream is dead or even in a coma *grin*.  I'm trying to walk in it ... trying.

But, writing/recording/producing.  That's different.

Truth is - over the years I've had a lot of people pass comments like, "... been writing lately?" or " ... would you ever do a CD?" or whatever.  And for me -  I just don't want to write anything that wouldn't be full-on-God-breathed.  I'm actually terrified of writing junk.  And I'm not a soloist ... I'm a worship leader.  Those are two totally different things.  So - I've never desired to put out an album that I would need to promote (just writing that sounds a bit ridiculous to me ...).  An album of just me?  What would the point of that be?  To hand them out as door prizes at my hubby's company Christmas dinner?  Oh brother.

But - on Saturday night as I chatted with him, he invited me to come and check out his studio ... to see how he did things.  And he said, "... bring something you're working on."  And I started to sweat.  Literally.

I'm pretty sure that I could never create something that he would appreciate musically.

But I haven't stopped thinking about it since Saturday night ... maybe the whole thing with me going to the event was just for that?  Maybe the convo I had with another band-dude about it, was encouraging enough to give me the guts to try?  Maybe it was just to remind me of writing?  Maybe it's just something that I could do for me - and not worry and feel pressure about even having another soul listen to it?  Maybe I could write something that would touch our home church - or even elsewhere?

Oh.  I don't know.  It feels too big, and I feel far too little to even dream like that - that something I could create would be worth enough to have others listen to.  I mean, this wouldn't be, like, a church project.  It would just be me.

**sweat**.

So .., I guess the next step is to at least get going on some of those musical ideas I've had? ... who knows where they'll take me.  Maybe nothing.  Maybe something.  Maybe.

"You spin me right 'round baby, right 'round ... "

Have a great one!

[talk: Being Motivated. digiscrap: Pages]

I love to debrief by writing ... so you'll have to excuse me if I'm all over the place these days.   Some moments are glorious, some are so amazingly difficult ... man.  I love living - even during the junk.

Last night I led worship at our church's Women's Missions banquet.  It was me - on my own ... and a gym full of women sitting at perfectly manicured tables.  I find leading at these types of things tricky ... most times, people don't come prepared to worship - and I am learning more and more that when you come expecting, things happen.  When you don't - it makes it just that more difficult.

But - it was good ... I'm thankful to be a part of a group of incredible women who are full of encouragement and integrity.  Really.  They're that great.

The speaker last night was Marilyn Skinner.  Man.  Does she make me exhausted just watching her.  She was so full of energy - and her stories ... her REAL life stories of God's protection and God's provision.  Of how He gives her ideas - incredible, massive ideas -  and I found myself so in awe of all that she does.

And something she said really resinated with me ... she said, "Strength is for serving, not for status."  Wow.  We live in a world where status is everywhere ... what an incredible thought to think that a woman can use that strength to serve - and in that, shows true strength.  The reality is - it's an overwhelming thing to think of what we ALL could do - and how little we really do.  

I'm not wanting to beat myself up for all my short comings - I'd be here all day - ... and I know that the people in my life that I touch are important to me and important to God.  The hurt here in my neighbourhood is very real ... but I feel like there is so much more.  I am proud to be a part of a generation who's passionate about the broken and hungry ... the orphan and the widow.  Seeing what one woman can do - and how she leads and inspires - makes me ache to do the same.

Not sure what that looks like *grin*.  Not sure what a LOT of things look like these days ... but He knows my heart.  I'm just trusting in that ... 

ANYWAYS ... it wouldn't be a true post if I didn't have a "on another note" ... so.  Here are a few digipages that I am now able to upload.  Double click the images to enlarge ... 

So.  I'm curious ... what inspires you?  What motivates you?  What discourages you?  Do you have big dreams - are you walking in that?  Are you waiting, like most of us, to see what's around the corner?  Although I love sharing with you about my "stuff" ... would love to know about yours :-) ... 

Have a great one ... really.  Truly.  A GREAT one.

[big dreams: Contracts.]

Thank YOU.  So many women have contacted me about this project that has been on my heart for so many years now.  It's so exciting to see it all come to life right in front of my eyes.  I'm believing for 20 women or more ... right now there are 17 women, 17 incredible women who are joining me in this and sharing their stories for the strength of others.

If you are one of those women, you should have received an email from me detailing what you may wish to include in your write up.  I am already getting stories back, and now I am scrambling to make sure everything is done correctly.  *grin*.  Typical me.

I will be putting together a contract that will be emailed to all of the women involved.  You will have to print it out, fill out any necessary information, sign it, make a copy for your own records, and mail the original to me.

The contract will state what the project is, the purpose of it, and basic legalities regarding the sharing of your stories.  Please remember that there is no money to be made from this - with any proceeds made, going to the BC Children's Hospital.  Any woman involved in this project will have full access to the accounting and will receive updates on monies earned and donated.

I am CERTAIN that there will be much more for me to learn and figure out here ... but primarily, I want everyone to know that this is NOT my book.  It's "ours".  Any time I put into this is donated ... I will NOT be taking ANY commission for ANY reason.  And this is important to have in contract form to protect both myself and all of those involved.

ANYway ... kindof a strange blogpost - but this is for those of you who are debating whether to be involved, and aren't on my email list already ... 

For everyone else ... if you believe in this project, please pray for all of us.  Your prayers are so appreciated   - as this whole thing will be in vain if it doesn't touch, strengthen and encourage other women.

Thank you so much ... 

OH!!!!  And I did weigh in this morning ... so disappointing.  135.2lbs.  Haven't lost anything in 2 weeks.  In fact, I'm up .5-ish.  Funny though ... when I was 145lb, I DREAMED of being 135.  Now that I'm 135lb, I feel like a heifer.  While the weight was coming off, I felt like my clothes fit and I felt good ... and yet now it feels like nothing fits - and that I'm at least 10lbs overweight.  How is that??

My gut ... I'm telling you - 4 pregnancies have taken it's toll.  It's just ... there.  And running isn't doing anything with my weight anymore it seems (other than clearing my head, and all the other good things it DOES do ...).  So, this morning I pulled out the dreaded "Jillian Michaels:  30 Day Shred" dvd.  I bought it in the spring - and it's still in it's wrap *grin*.

The plan ... when I don't have enough time to run (I need at least 40minutes for cool down, stretching and a 5km ...) - I'll do the shred.  I hear it's brutal.  But I think I need brutal ... Having Jillian scream at me might be just perfect.

We'll see.

Besides, I think this week will be a big week for me ... come ON 132lbs.  (why not dream big? right?).

Have a great one!

[big dreams: Step One. Or it is Two?]

It's after midnight on Thursday night, and I am out-of-control tired ... but I know I won't have time tomorrow to post and I wanted to make sure I got this out ... 

For those of you who contacted me regarding the book project I am putting together, check your email *smile*.  I have sent emails to everyone who contacted me through tawnsblog@hotmail.com .  If you spoke to me, or Facebooked me, or had someone else talk to me on your behalf - please take a moment and contact me through tawnsblog@hotmail.com .  Otherwise, I scared I won't remember!

I have 14 women, possibly 15, confirmed to be involved in this project of telling their stories of loss and of hope.  I am believing for 20 women.

Not sure what this is about?  Click "big dreams" on the side panel and scroll through the blog entries for info.  

If you are interested, let me know - and I'll send you out the informative email for you and you can join this team ... I believe it's going to be powerful!!

Ok ... MUST go to bed, that is, if I can sleep *smile* ... at least I can't ever say I'm bored *GRIN*!!

Have a good one!

[big dreams: Being Reminded]

I haven't forgotten ...

It's been a few months since I put it out there - and asked you if you'd be interested in joining along side me in sharing your story.  So many women contacted me, women who had a child pass through sickness, miscarriage, or accident ...  even women who were unable to carry a child biologically, offered their stories of invetro, adoption and fostering ... all with endings that were heart breaking, but strong stories of survival with the Cross as their anchor.

And I haven't forgotten.

It just seemed that although it was the right time for me to walk forward in this, it wasn't super convenient for everyone else during the summer months. And there were some of you that were totally "in", and then felt overwhelmed and decided that you just couldn't do it ... so - I waited.

So.  This past Sunday morning I had another reminder ... after I led worship at our church, a man approached me with tears in his eyes and a piece of paper in his hand.  He said, "I remember - you, you lost a baby, right?"  ... and I nodded, knowing exactly where this was heading.  "My daughter just lost another baby, " he said.  "And I think this one has been just too much."

He shared her story with me, asked if I would mind contacting her - and at that split moment I was so angry that I hadn't followed through this summer with the book.  How I wish I could have it to give her, to show her she's not alone, that her child matters, that she can and will survive.

Another gentle reminder for me.

SO.  It's fall, we're all getting settled into schedules ... nighttime is getting earlier and so are cozy nights at home.  Are you willing to take some time to prepare and share your story?  Have you had a journey that you know would comfort another?  Would you like your experience to have a purpose - to encourage and breathe life into another?

Then, please ... please - email me at tawnsblog@hotmail.com .  And let's get this thing going.

** Please read this PREVIOUS POST on the details of the book I'm hoping to be putting together.  **

[talk: STUFF]

SO much going on around here ... as I'm sure with all of you.  It's June, and that means chaos before summer break and we are so looking forward to that!!  And the sun's out today - so it actually FEELS like summer just might show up ... wouldn't that be nice!

A few things ... 

One.   I posted up pics of Todd and Jenna's wedding on my Redhanded Photography blog ... if you're interested, click here.

Two.  The book.  I believe I have contacted everyone who contacted me *smile*.  I am awaiting several confirmations before we get started on this together.  If you haven't been contacted, and are interested in being a part of this project, email me at tawnsblog@hotmail.com .

Three.  Simplifying my life.  There are so many things that I've got my fingers in ... and I'm finding that I need to put some serious structure around it.  The first thing I'm going to have to do, is say "no" to photography bookings and keep with my "3 bookings" a month.  It's hard, because summer IS the busy season, and I hate to pass up opportunities ... but there is SO much work and time that is put into  editing, album and slideshow making and meetings.  I have to start staying no.

Four.  I started running.  Well - I ran yesterday, and will run tomorrow.  I don't want to overdo it and wreck myself.  I have a goal.  I want to run first thing in the morning - clear my head - spend some time with the Lord - get a good cardio workout in.  But I have a couple of goals (big surprise).  One, is that I want to sign up for some 5k runs ... then 10k.  I can do it.  I know I can.

Five.  Well - there's really six, seven, eight and a few more, I'm sure.  I have posts on scrapbooking, pics I've done with my kids, weekends away, recipes and thoughts I have about the importance of our kids being in church.  But for now - I gotta get going.  I'll do those things, um ... later?

Busy busy busy!!

Have a GREAT one!!

[shalom: Step One. ]

Today, I'm meeting with someone.  They will be helping me with the first steps of the book I'm hoping to create with many moms who have lost a child - a very exciting first step.

If you had contacted me about being involved, I will be contacting you shortly with directions on how we need to proceed.  If you haven't contacted me, and you are willing to share your story of loss and how you survived - then please contact me at tawnsblog@hotmail.com .  

For more info on this project, please click here.

I am terribly excited about this ... and as this has been brewing in my heart for more than three years - I cannot wait to get started!

Have a great one!

[shalom: Green Light. ]

*SMILE*

Well.  Three years ago, the silence of those whom I asked to be a part of this vision spoke volumes.  In the same way - your enthusiasm this time was HUGE.  Email after email, messages sent to FB, comments on my link ... 

I am so excited!

SO - here's what's gonna happen ... I'm going to leave this open for the next couple of weeks and give more women the opportunity to contact me regarding their involvement.  Those of you who have already emailed me with with your "I'm IN", then you can start thinking about your story and how you'll put pen to paper to it ... or so to speak.

I will be emailing those who've contacted me with specific details when I get it all figured out.  If you're not sure what this is all about, just scroll down and read the last post ... Please remember that the heart behind this book is to encourage and uplift those who are walking through their loss - and to share how God has carried you through.  The vision is to testify to the hope we have in the Lord.  

If you would like to be a part of this book, have your child's story serve a beautiful purpose, than please contact me at tawnsblog@hotmail.com ...   

[shalom: A Big Dream]

:: ... along the same lines as my last post - I found this.  I wrote this many months ago, and put it in my "drafts" box and was reminded of it today.  I'm feeling a bit of stirring ... ::

A long time ago, I had a dream.  it was a dream about putting together something tangible that would comfort and bless women and families in their journey of loss.

When we walked through our journey with Shalom, it became quite obvious that there wasn't a Hallmark card for the occasion.  I'm sure people felt awkward around us, not sure what to say - and there really wasn't anything out there that could comfort us in our unique situation.  I felt like nobody could relate - no one really knew.

 Then, I received a book from my cousin in New Zealand.  It was called "Jesse: Found In Heaven".  It's the written experience of a pastor's wife, and her journey with her miscarriage.  After I read it, I bought ten copies, and whenever I would hear of someone losing a child through a miscarriage, I would give them this book ... (hmmm ... I really need to get some more of these as I'm all out now ...).

But after I read the book, I thought "Yeah, that's great and all - but it's not my story."  And that's when an idea came to me.

Three years ago I sent out an email to many, many women asking them if they would be interested in being apart of a project that I believed was God-breathed.  And out of over 30 women, only two responded.  Not the best results for moving forward, so I put the whole thing on hold.  But as a many different events have transpired as of late, I think it's time to try again.

Here's my vision:  to have a collection of true-life experiences written by women who have lost a child.  Whether it was through a miscarriage, stillborn, abortion, car accident, cancer - or perhaps the loss of not being able to bear a biological child, or the taking-away of a foster child ... it doesn't matter.  And each story would be individual - but have a positive message in the end of how God has restored, healed or carried them through their trial and is continuing to do so.

My heart is to have this collection, along with black and white photos of each woman (that I could possibly take?) with their story, placed  in Christian bookstores.  To have them in a place where people could find this unique book and say, "Hey - I know someone who needs to read this."

My hope is that all proceeds could go to the BC Children's Hospital, and have all women agree to this upon being apart of this project.

I'm really nervous to put this out there - but I wonder, if you, or someone you know, may wish to be apart of such a project.  I'm scared that no one will respond *blush* ... but I feel that I need to be brave and just do it.

I have only my story - and probably not many in this world could relate to my own loss. And maybe you feel the same. But, I think that if we do this collectively, it could be powerful.

If you're interested, please contact me at:  tawnsblog@hotmail.com .

Thanks.