07 March 2011

[big dreams: Spinning Head.]

I don't know what to really post about this ... but my head is spinning "right 'round, baby, right 'round ..."

This past weekend I went with my hubby to a "concert" of sorts ... full of local musicians; some people that I've known about for a long time, some people that I've heard about and couldn't wait to hear in person.  It was a casual setting, with guests standing, sitting, chatting, dancing ... I saw a lot of faces from a lifetime ago - and it makes these things even more fun to go to ... 

At the back of the room during one of the sets, I found myself chatting with an old acquaintance who is pretty much a full-on genius when it comes to producing amazing music ... And after a few minutes of playing catchup, he looked and me and asked, "So, Tawn.  What are you doing with your music?"

Um.  **insert cricket chirps here ... **

See ... the very first time I met him, he actually came to an event that I lead worship for.  Or something like that - kinda more like a worship special event. A bunch of us were thrown together and formed this  worship band.  We were doing local gigs (can you call worship nights gigs??) and we had all these dreams of God and music and creating and traveling and and and and.

But - that dream never happened. 

And that's been totally fine.  It hasn't been a disappointment, although I've sometimes wondered what would've happened if our group had been able to stick it out and have it as a priority. See my "sliding doors" post for more on that ... but, I've had an amazing time leading worship at different churches -  especially at my home church ( you can check out "worship" in my filing drawer of this blog ... ) and as you may or may not know, I have dreams of heading back east to Virginia and DC at some point ... (still not sure what that looks like).  So, it's not at all like my music dream is dead or even in a coma *grin*.  I'm trying to walk in it ... trying.

But, writing/recording/producing.  That's different.

Truth is - over the years I've had a lot of people pass comments like, "... been writing lately?" or " ... would you ever do a CD?" or whatever.  And for me -  I just don't want to write anything that wouldn't be full-on-God-breathed.  I'm actually terrified of writing junk.  And I'm not a soloist ... I'm a worship leader.  Those are two totally different things.  So - I've never desired to put out an album that I would need to promote (just writing that sounds a bit ridiculous to me ...).  An album of just me?  What would the point of that be?  To hand them out as door prizes at my hubby's company Christmas dinner?  Oh brother.

But - on Saturday night as I chatted with him, he invited me to come and check out his studio ... to see how he did things.  And he said, "... bring something you're working on."  And I started to sweat.  Literally.

I'm pretty sure that I could never create something that he would appreciate musically.

But I haven't stopped thinking about it since Saturday night ... maybe the whole thing with me going to the event was just for that?  Maybe the convo I had with another band-dude about it, was encouraging enough to give me the guts to try?  Maybe it was just to remind me of writing?  Maybe it's just something that I could do for me - and not worry and feel pressure about even having another soul listen to it?  Maybe I could write something that would touch our home church - or even elsewhere?

Oh.  I don't know.  It feels too big, and I feel far too little to even dream like that - that something I could create would be worth enough to have others listen to.  I mean, this wouldn't be, like, a church project.  It would just be me.


So .., I guess the next step is to at least get going on some of those musical ideas I've had? ... who knows where they'll take me.  Maybe nothing.  Maybe something.  Maybe.

"You spin me right 'round baby, right 'round ... "

Have a great one!


Anonymous said...

Oh my! Oh my! Another project!!! You are definitely an "orange" :) Love your creativity and passion for life.....

your "daughter"

Tawn said...

my "daughter"??? ... I don't usually ask - but this time I need to :-). Who is my "daughter"??

Shawna said...

Sounds fun, and a little uncomfortable...hmmm, life is too short to be comfortable for the whole thing ;)

Anonymous said...

Tania....you said you are my "mother", so I must be your daughter....so now I have failed to bring a smile to your face this AM - not only with a comment, but by not being anonymous!

Auntie Ruth (just in case you haven't figured it out yet) !

Tawn said...

AUNTIE RUTH!!! LOL!!!! ... ok. now I get it :-)!


Anonymous said...

Amazing post. It can be scary but to acknowledge your dreams and passions that bring you back to a place you cared so much about is what life is all about. Never feel too small to challenge yourself and to rekindle the very things that made you who you are today.