So many of you know what it's like when someone says, "SOOO - you have 2 boys, betchyour hopin' for a little girl!!"
I always smile, because the truth is - is that the majority of moms really don't care about gender. SURE - if I have 3 boys, I'm certain there'll be a day where I think that it would've been really great to have a daughter ...
But then, that brings me back to Shalom *smile*. See? It's a tricky one. My friends know I have a daughter in Heaven, but the dear lady in the supermarket doesn't ... "Oh sweetie - two boys - hopefully you'll have a little girl, right?" And I debate as to whether to smile and tell her that Jesus is watching over our little girl ... or whether to just play along - truth is, is she's right: I have 2 little boys. Plus, I'm always worried to make people feel awkward about the loss of our daughter ...
Or the other one sentence I get a lot of: "I thought you wanted 4 kids ...". There, again, I go back to Shalom. And maybe that's really weird for people ... but I consider her one of our "four". That whole experience was just so ... different. And because she was named, and buried with a proper grave marking ... it just makes her all the more one-of-the-four for me ... And had she survived - we probably would be on our 4th instead of our 3rd ...
SO ... *grin* - here's the truth: I'll be sad if I don't get to use our little girl's name that we've chosen. BUT I'll be equally sad if we don't get to use the boy's name either *laughing*. Having another boy would be SO convenient ... having a girl would be so special. Having a boy would complete our family to perfection ... but if we don't have a little girl, I'm sure there'll be things I'll be sad about as time goes by .... and I wonder if I'll mourn Shalom in a greater way if I never have the chance to put pigtails on my little girl ... maybe not?
BUT, whatever the case - we are DONE after this. No more. KAPUT.
And we'll have our four *smile*. Mattias, Shalom, Josiah and .... *drumroll* ... we shall see *wink*!!
2 comments:
It's bittersweet, isn't it. Sometimes I think about getting a pendant with all my little loves on it...and then when the lady at the supermarket comments on my brood I could just hold my charms and smile at my heart-knowledge! [smile]
Can't wait for this drumroll to announce "Baby DiMeglio has arrived"!!!!!
I love reading your post. A lot of people have said to me that I am probably hoping for a boy. I didn't care either way, but I know Ian was hoping. Well, we are having another girl which will be convenient!! It is all in God's plan!!!
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