24 May 2014

[By Faith. I AM Healed.]

It's been six days ... six days that I've known, six days that I've battled in my mind - "did it?  is it?".

Last Sunday night, I was apart of a worship service at Recovery Church.  There, I spoke of my personal need for healing ... and how I believed the Lord would heal me and touch me.

By faith - not by anything else, trust me.

See, I injured my knee a few weeks back - to the point where a white-hot-pain would shoot up my leg when I walked up the stairs.  It's been a private, embarrassing, "gee, I'm getting old" battle.  Plus I love to run - and I haven't been.  That messes my mind up.  But if I had to stay away from running, I'd live ... but walking?  I really rely on that.  Pain?  Simply put: it needed to go.

Yet, when I shared with RC about it - I felt selfish.  A knee injury isn't worth bothering God about, right?  There are REAL needs ... cancer and disease, near-fatal injuries, marriage problems, world-problems ... He's gotta be busy with all of that, no?  I really shouldn't pester Him about my sorry-ol' knee.

Then He reminded me that His word says in Matthew 10:29-31:   "Not even a sparrow, worth only half a penny, can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it.  And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.  So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows." (Living Translation)

So.  My pain matters.  And God doesn't have a limit to what He can do.  There isn't a "maximum" of healings He is capable of.  I didn't budge in line.  I didn't steal someone else's miracle.

Now, I do not have answers as to why the Lord heals some and not others, and when He chooses for it to happen.  I have watched journeys of both - of 100% healing, and of 100% still-waiting.   Why?  I don't know ...  but what I have learned is that even miracles have an ending.  They don't go on forever.  Financial miracles, marriage miracles, physical miracles - our own choices and junk can interrupt those miracles and change them back to the pain that they were.  Or something new can and will happen.  You could be healed of cancer one day, and be injured in a car accident the next.  It doesn't dilute the initial miracle.  But that's another long discussion, with many other thoughts and opinions.  

But this, this is my story and by faith - even if my knee begins to bother me again - this week, I received a miracle.  

It's funny ... what happens to your emotions when you realize that something MAY have happened.    I hadn't noticed a thing until I walked down the stairs on Monday morning ... I stopped.  Walked back up.  Looked around.   Down again.

No pain.

"Well ... it's early ... I won't tell anyone yet.  Because I'll feel SUPER dumb if it starts hurting by lunch."

That's what I thought.

An hour went by ... then two.  

I texted two friend-leaders from Recovery Church and told them, "I've been healed," and shared what I've just shared with you.

Today - I ran.  4km.  No pain.  And while I was running, I was - like - "how's it feeling", "am I really healed", "what happens if it starts to hurt again?"

It feels just fine.  No pain ... so.  I was compelled to testify - and share my journey of doubt and faith.  Of waiting and of sharing.

And if it hurts again tonight - it simply doesn't take away the pain-free week I've had.  

I was healed.  I am healed.

Have a great one!

20 May 2014

[Eating Clean.]

For the last couple of months, I've been "clean eating".

What does that mean?  Well - basically, it's staying clear-away from processed foods.  My pantry looks MUCH different, and so does my fridge *smile*.    I go to the market at least twice a week to restock fruits and veggies - and have done my best to take all refined sugar out of my diet.

The standard rule is, if there are more than five ingredients on the package - I don't eat it.  If I don't know what the ingredient is, I don't eat it.   Period.

This has been a long, long journey for me to get here.  To figure out what works for me.  Between diets, and points, and no-sugar and no-wheat, and calorie counting ... I've been in bondage.  Angry at myself when I fail.  Angry when I don't see results fast enough.  Just basically, disappointed in myself.

"Why can't I be disciplined??" I would growl at myself.

So for me - clean eating ... it works.  How I do it, for me, it works.  

I'd love to tell you that I've lost 20lbs, grown four inches taller and now look like a 20year-old-super-star.  But alas, I'm still just me.  BUT.  I feeeeeel amazing.  I have lost 2.5inches around my waist in these past 8 weeks.  I've only lost a few pounds - but it's steadily declining and since I am living this way forever  ... my weight will be what it will be. 

I am FREE.

I have found something that works, that I can do.  What it looks like for me, the choices I make, may be different for someone else who eats "clean".  But I am happy with my choices, I am living far better than I have - ever.

And when I can't eat perfectly clean?  When we go to friends homes for dinner, or out for a meal?  I simply do my best.   I do not beat myself up, because I've made many right choices that allow me to be free when I cannot.  I'll ask the waitress to omit certain things, and still choose wisely.  No one needs to adjust their lives for me - I have relearned how to eat.  I am not allergic, although I am much much more sensitive to sugar and wheat.  I don't enjoy the sickening feeling from having ANYTHING with high-fructose-corn-syrup.  Did you know Menchie's has HFCS in their frozen yogurts??  I had just a sample and my face began to tingle.  TRUE.  

One point I will make, is that my skin is now detoxing.  It isn't fun.  Cystic acne (aren't I too old for this??) is painful ... but I know it will pass.  At least - it should, right??

I have a recipe site, called "Make - by Homemakingirl" ... today I posted a new recipe that I adapted from another website.  I have made it "clean" - go check it out and add it to your repertoire.   Totally worth it *smile*.    It's called :: Clean Eating Cocoa Applesauce Mini Muffins with Carrot Puree

So.  That's my story.  I still exercise when I can, but I am no longer bound to "I ate a bad dessert so I need to run 5km today".  I am living life ... and am enjoying it so much more in this new way of eating.  

If you have any questions - I'd be happy to answer.  And - let me also say - that my friend Char is who taught me SO much about this lifestyle as she started her journey with clean eating before me.  She has a blog of recipes as well - and I have tried most of them.  They're fantastic!!

Have a great one!

09 May 2014

[talk: Annointed Excellence.]

I am so excited to be apart of the worship team this Mother's Day morning.  Really.  Like SUPER excited.  That may see strange for those of you who know me ... and know that I've been leading worship at my home church longer than some of my team members have been alive.


Ok ... not quite ... but you get the idea *grin*.

God keeps renewing my passion and zeal for bringing others into His presence.  I live for worship - it's in my DNA ... it makes me complete.  I was - we all were - created to worship Him.  There is no other place, no other thing, that could replace the joy from doing just that.

I recently had an experience where a past friend came to a Sunday morning service, someone who had never been before.  I happened to be leading that morning, and they were lovely and complimentary when they spoke with me later on.  But fast forward a bit - through a different conversation - it was said that they wouldn't return because, "if they wanted to see a rock show - they would rather pay for it."

Ouch again.

My BIGGEST fear in worship services, is trying to balance excellence and anointing.  Everyone who is up on stage, wants to do their best.  We meet the Thursday evening before the service, we rehearse and talk and support each other.  We arrive and set up by 8am on a Sunday morning, often staying until 12:30pm for the end of the second service.  They are dedicated and want to to their best.  And they NEED to ... we require it of them.  Mistakes can be distracting and disastrous.  BUT.  As soon as it's perceived that it's a performance - then something must change.

But let me say this as well:  I cannot change the hearts of others.  Only God can, when they LET him.  No worship service will please everyone ... there are always the critics and I know that.

But - for those of us who are leading together, I think it all comes back to our hearts.  Repenting of control, of ego, of self-awareness.  I find myself already in a state of constant, "Lord - take me OUT of this equation.  Put Yourself in it."   It's a freeing place to be - where my lack of ability is made up with His incredible love and mercy.  

This Sunday, I'm doing a "new" song.  It's not really new - but I've been hesitant to do it because on the album ... well, it's spectacular.  Musically, vocally, technically - spectacular.  But our worship isn't a show - it's different than an album.  But as I've waited for the right time to do this song, I go over the words again and again ... and I know that this is the time to do it ::

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders,
Let me walk upon the waters,
Wherever You may call me.

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
That my faith would be made stronger,
In the presence of my Saviour."

May we all check our hearts as we enter corporate worship this Sunday, wherever you may be - wherever you worship.  That your participation isn't based on anything but Your desire to engage with the Creator.  That spectatorship, that emotionalism, that anything OTHER than pure worship would be swept away from our hearts.  I pray that He will meet you - that your faith would be made stronger in the presence of your Saviour.

Have a great one!