18 April 2009

[new baby: The Doom of the Change Room]

I think every pregnant woman feels it at one point. It's the inevitable "oh my - I'm a house" feeling, where nothing fits, your fingers swell and you're pretty sure that your gums are bleeding from the mild pressure of the toothbrush.

And I'm only 20 weeks.

This pregnancy has been a peculiar one for me. I've had some definite scares and trying times. This child is so incredibly wanted, and I feel so blessed to be having a third baby despite the 5 pregnancies that I've actually had. You'd think that overwhelming feeling of "THANK YOU" would take away the "yuck" of the growing body and loss of self-esteem. It's sad, but it's still a tricky thing for me.

Because my last baby was a January baby, I'm finding that I'm running out of daily clothes as the weather starts to warm up. And today I made the mistake of looking in the full length mirror whilst in the maternity clothes shop. Um. Yeah. NOT cool ... and honestly, I think having 2 full term pregnancies have really wrecked me, and my body is doing 8 month things when I'm only 5 months.
A girlfriend called my cell while I was in the change room and I laughed about how I wish men didn't design maternity clothes. My arms have doubled in size, it seems, and yet EVERY maternity shirt has elastic short sleeves - which pretty much cuts off the circulation to my fingers *grin*. So, no blouse buying today ...

And the bathing suit *laughing*. Ok. THE BATHING SUIT ... I am wondering how I'll wear one in August, when I wouldn't walk out in public in one today. But I will say - the suit in the store was SUPER cute ... black, strapless, one-piece. Perfect for my pre-preggo body. Hmmmm ....

The funny thing is, is that I NEVER look at a pregnant woman and think "ooooh - such a shame. she's lost her waist." *GRIN*. Of course not. So why do I think people are starting at me and thinking those exact things?? Must be hormones. Must be.

SO - this journey continues to be one of learning. You may recall a hard-working journey where I lost a bunch of weight last year in a family version of "the Biggest Loser". I am now the weight I was when I started that ... so that's a good thing *smile*. But it's been hard to watch the numbers on the scale increase and the room in my pants decrease. I KNOW I'm preggo - but that control I found over my weight seems to have completely disappeared.

But all that said - I am so incredibly excited to have this child in September. We all know that children are such a gift. The Lord blesses in MANY MANY ways (families, spouses, spiritually, financially, relationally and on and on ...) and I am so thankful for THIS gift in this time.

I have many, many friends who are "done" having their kids ... and many, many who are eager to add to their family number. It's funny - but I'm kinda on my own right now ... the only pregnant one. Every night I pray for those children I already know, and the ones who are coming.

God's timing doesn't always seem to make sense - I can totally attest to that. But He is always good. I can attest to that as well.

So, for today, I will wear my comfy yoga pants and a loose shirt. I'm going to drink lots of water and maybe even go for a little walk. I am going to do my very best to enjoy this last pregnancy, and not wish the time away- which is so hard to do. I'm going to thank everyone who stops and smiles with genuine sweetness as they watch my growing belly in excitement for my hubby, my kids and myself. And I'm going to be thankful for the stretching, the uncomfortableness, the night-time potty breaks ... and for this life He has given.

10 comments:

Janean said...

Funny, when not at work when pregnant, I literally lived in yoga pants and t-shirts. As both boys are July babies - turned to yoga pants and tank tops that ended up creeping up on my belly. Have to admit though...hormones being what they are...I FELT HOT! Hilarious!!!! Sometimes when I look at particular pictures I remember feeling so attractive...and now looking back..it is like WHAT?!? Ah, the delight of being stretched at the core to your physical limits. Sort of like raising these wee ones once they arrive...physical, spritual, thoughtful...and I can't figure out how to say patience in the right tense. But easier! heehee You looked gorgeous in the Easter hunt photos...REALLY! And I'm not pregnant, so you can count on my opinion to not be coloured by my "wow, you are HOT!" pregnancy hormones. Janean

AlisonVeritas said...

I recall you having the cutest maternity bathing suit EVER with Mattias. some kind of bright tankini??? You would not believe the bathing suit I have used weekly this pregnancy. It could not be uglier. It is $0.97 bottoms from old navy in a random shade of burgundy and an ugly halter type workout top from lotus in a faded shade of poop brown. they are no where near matching and I cannot look in the mirror in it not because I'm so horrified about my pregnant body but because I'm so horrified of the ugly suit! Thankfully Aria is the only one who really sees me in it and she is only interested in my chubby belly button!

susan said...

I feel the complete opposite when pregnant - yes, I certainly go through the awkward "my regular clothes don't fit but maternity ones are too big" stage that everyone encounters but when my belly started to pop it was like I could stop sucking in the unwanted flabby belly, exhale and let my prego belly out! Being pregnant was when I had the most self confidence & didn't worry about the shape of my thighs, arms,fingers...I was "allowed" to be "fluffy" (phat!):-) and I loved it!

Exhale...and push that belly out! I am sure it & you look adorable!

(by the way...I am a friend of Shawna's and not some random stalker.)

alisa said...

You are SO cute Tawn. I think each pregnancy, your body remembers the last & pops out faster cuz it knows what to do. I remember when pregnant with my 1st I still went on an audition for some fitness commercial at 5 months pregnant & no one knew I was pregnant! By the 2nd pregnancy, I popped out right away. Freaked me out! I think when you're of petite stature, there's less room (shorter torso) for the baby to grow, so you have nowhere to grow but "out" & you feel bigger even tho you have the same sized baby as someone tall whose baby can just grow along their long torso (can you tell I've thought about this?lol). I was truly amazed at the things people would say to me - "having twins?" was a particular favorite (ya, i had to be sarcastic on that one). Anyhow, my babies were born in September & August, and I have some great mat clothes I'd love to give you, so I'll bring my tote of stuff to church tomorrow & will look for you. I remember feeling way more sensitive when pregnant & think that's pretty normal. It is a hard thing to give up control of what your body is doing. It's also really good for us I think. Once you're a mom don't you have much more sympathy for a mom who's having trouble losing the baby-weight, or for a mom with a screaming child? I know I had much less grace before having my kids. So tell yourself how beautiful you are & think how close you are to God while He's knitting your babe inside of you. Love that! Blessings to you my friend.

Still Enjoying the Journey said...

Enjoy as much as you can ... grace for the times you can't! PS And now that some people are praying for their own moments of preggo discomfort!

Crystal said...

I can totally relate to a lot of what you are saying:)! First of all, being 5'1 as well and having seven weeks left, and having people ask me if I am goign to pop tomorrow..makes me laugh:) the joys of being short. I have had a rough go in many ways to this pregancy and batttle with those feelings of making sure people don't think I am ungrateful, or can't wait to meet this baby and be a first time mom, but some days just suck...and now i know its ok to feel that way:)
Just a suggestion but branch out beyond maternity stores;)! I find there selection sometimes for tops and dresses pathetic. The style right now really works for us preggo's:) I have got lots of cute comfty t-shirts from place like the garage..for cheap! I also was on a search for a spring dress last week and ended up finding one that works at the GAP...so branch out, you never know what you will find:)!

Anonymous said...

Count it ALL joy ! There are many out there who would do anything to be carrying a baby in their belly...no matter how BIG or "unattractive" it may feel at times.

AlisonVeritas said...

ooo all good comments.(like how this topic always gets people talking)...I agree with Crystal, I have ONE pair of maternity jeans and nothing else maternity. Thank God so much of what's in style is long shirts and peasanty things and stretchy pants!

Kristin said...

Just think how great the preggo boobs will look in that swimsuit... who's going to notice anything else?! ;-) And haven't you noticed how your thighs get skinnier as your belly gets more ready-to-pop?!? That's my fave, the last two months when my belly outsized the rest of me and my legs seems so 'skinny' all of a sudden!!!! lol

Tawn said...

thank you to you all for taking the time to share your thoughts!! I appreciate it!