I think every pregnant woman feels it at one point. It's the inevitable "oh my - I'm a house" feeling, where nothing fits, your fingers swell and you're pretty sure that your gums are bleeding from the mild pressure of the toothbrush.
And I'm only 20 weeks.
This pregnancy has been a peculiar one for me. I've had some definite scares and trying times. This child is so incredibly wanted, and I feel so blessed to be having a third baby despite the 5 pregnancies that I've actually had. You'd think that overwhelming feeling of "THANK YOU" would take away the "yuck" of the growing body and loss of self-esteem. It's sad, but it's still a tricky thing for me.
Because my last baby was a January baby, I'm finding that I'm running out of daily clothes as the weather starts to warm up. And today I made the mistake of looking in the full length mirror whilst in the maternity clothes shop. Um. Yeah. NOT cool ... and honestly, I think having 2 full term pregnancies have really wrecked me, and my body is doing 8 month things when I'm only 5 months.
A girlfriend called my cell while I was in the change room and I laughed about how I wish men didn't design maternity clothes. My arms have doubled in size, it seems, and yet EVERY maternity shirt has elastic short sleeves - which pretty much cuts off the circulation to my fingers *grin*. So, no blouse buying today ...
And the bathing suit *laughing*. Ok. THE BATHING SUIT ... I am wondering how I'll wear one in August, when I wouldn't walk out in public in one today. But I will say - the suit in the store was SUPER cute ... black, strapless, one-piece. Perfect for my pre-preggo body. Hmmmm ....
The funny thing is, is that I NEVER look at a pregnant woman and think "ooooh - such a shame. she's lost her waist." *GRIN*. Of course not. So why do I think people are starting at me and thinking those exact things?? Must be hormones. Must be.
SO - this journey continues to be one of learning. You may recall a hard-working journey where I lost a bunch of weight last year in a family version of "the Biggest Loser". I am now the weight I was when I started that ... so that's a good thing *smile*. But it's been hard to watch the numbers on the scale increase and the room in my pants decrease. I KNOW I'm preggo - but that control I found over my weight seems to have completely disappeared.
But all that said - I am so incredibly excited to have this child in September. We all know that children are such a gift. The Lord blesses in MANY MANY ways (families, spouses, spiritually, financially, relationally and on and on ...) and I am so thankful for THIS gift in this time.
I have many, many friends who are "done" having their kids ... and many, many who are eager to add to their family number. It's funny - but I'm kinda on my own right now ... the only pregnant one. Every night I pray for those children I already know, and the ones who are coming.
God's timing doesn't always seem to make sense - I can totally attest to that. But He is always good. I can attest to that as well.
So, for today, I will wear my comfy yoga pants and a loose shirt. I'm going to drink lots of water and maybe even go for a little walk. I am going to do my very best to enjoy this last pregnancy, and not wish the time away- which is so hard to do. I'm going to thank everyone who stops and smiles with genuine sweetness as they watch my growing belly in excitement for my hubby, my kids and myself. And I'm going to be thankful for the stretching, the uncomfortableness, the night-time potty breaks ... and for this life He has given.