17 March 2009

[talk: Raising the White Flag]

For those of you who know me - I take a lot of pride in being a homemaker. Or perhaps you got the jyst of that by my blog title *smile*.

I have this thing, where I don't like help to do the things that I am capable of. I get offended (not a good quality) if people suggest help in these areas that I take pride in ... like, when I had our 2nd child and it was suggested to have someone clean our home. "Why?" I thought. "I'm not doing a good enough job??" I take pride in a clean, organized home ... I haven't ever wanted to have to say, "Oh, this clean house? I didn't do it ..."

I have a fear of people imagining me sitting on the couch, eating bonbons, while the house goes down the drain ... I mean, why bother? Someone's going to come in and clean it anyways. Or people thinking I'm out drinking Chai Lattes while someone else loves on our kids at home. And I have a fear of the mindless chatter of women ... you know the type - the kind that says, "Oh - she has help. Must be nice. I have 4 kids and a full time job, and I do everything myself. I am superwomen. Too bad she's so incapable."

Seriously. These are thoughts I have.

But today, I raise the flag. And I've had to really humble myself and tell myself, "it's ok." I cannot be pregnant, take care of 2 little ones for 12 hours, be the only car-driver in the home (meaning doing all the errands and pickup/drop offs), meal make, clean up ... all without a help-mate. I just can't. I've done it for a week - with the gracious help of family and friends throughout those days - and eventually, help starts to dwindle. That's just the way life is - and let's face it ... people lead busy lives and I cannot expect the world to stop to help me when I feel like a bucket of tears.

And, as my mother said, it will only be "ME" who eventually gets lost in all of this. I have photography jobs lined up, worship leading posts booked, piano teaching scheduled ... all would have to be changed while my hubby is unable to help.

We are having a Nanny move in with us today ... and I rejoice. This means that I can actually get OUT of the house ... maybe attend a Women's Event when the boys are in bed, or remake that Spa Utopia appointment that I cancelled last week. See, my hubby is not able to watch the boys - so even when they're tucked into bed, I cannot leave the house JUST in case one of the boys needs something.

I've been trapped, but now I'm free (so dramatic, I know ... it's only been one week). The Nanny moves in at 10am, and we're doing a "trial" until Friday and re-evaluating - giving all parties the opportunity to back out if needed. But I'm not worried.

And this Nanny is just a temp as we start the process of hiring a full-time one ... This Nanny is only in our city for a couple of months - but she will hold us over during the long process of hiring someone permanent.

For me - this means that I will have the energy to do the things that are important to me. Taking the boys to an activity, finishing up the bank statements, having time to prepare a meal, editing client's photos - all without worrying about the things that hang over me. The Nanny will be someone who fills in the gap.

So. There you have it.

I cannot do everything.

** On a side note - I delivered the wedding pics yesterday. It was so wonderful to have teary-eyed happy clients! I will now post some of my favourites at http://www.redhandedphotography.blogspot.com/ and at my official website http://www.redhandedphotography.com/ . Please keep checking back, as these photos will go up in stages ... thanks!!**


Anonymous said...

Tania don't feel you need to explain why you need a nanny. During the week I to would love to get some help, with two kids and 17 weeks pregnant, I need help to. But I don't have a business, I'm not as involved with my church as you are, I have a husband that can do things around the house for me. So don't feel bad that right now you need a helping hand, you have alot on your plate right now, enjoy what help you have, take care of your self and that baby. rosalia

Lala's world said...

where did you find one so fast? I have been looking for a nanny for SO long and haven't found one, I am so nervous about getting one and it NOT working!!! and her being stuck in my home and me having to deal with it! but I am starting to get desperate.

Tawn said...

thanks, Rosalia :-) ... and Lisa - we ended up hiring a girl who knows a lot of the same people we do - and it's only for a few weeks until she moves back to her home ...