[talk: Raising the White Flag]

For those of you who know me - I take a lot of pride in being a homemaker. Or perhaps you got the jyst of that by my blog title *smile*.

I have this thing, where I don't like help to do the things that I am capable of. I get offended (not a good quality) if people suggest help in these areas that I take pride in ... like, when I had our 2nd child and it was suggested to have someone clean our home. "Why?" I thought. "I'm not doing a good enough job??" I take pride in a clean, organized home ... I haven't ever wanted to have to say, "Oh, this clean house? I didn't do it ..."

I have a fear of people imagining me sitting on the couch, eating bonbons, while the house goes down the drain ... I mean, why bother? Someone's going to come in and clean it anyways. Or people thinking I'm out drinking Chai Lattes while someone else loves on our kids at home. And I have a fear of the mindless chatter of women ... you know the type - the kind that says, "Oh - she has help. Must be nice. I have 4 kids and a full time job, and I do everything myself. I am superwomen. Too bad she's so incapable."

Seriously. These are thoughts I have.

But today, I raise the flag. And I've had to really humble myself and tell myself, "it's ok." I cannot be pregnant, take care of 2 little ones for 12 hours, be the only car-driver in the home (meaning doing all the errands and pickup/drop offs), meal make, clean up ... all without a help-mate. I just can't. I've done it for a week - with the gracious help of family and friends throughout those days - and eventually, help starts to dwindle. That's just the way life is - and let's face it ... people lead busy lives and I cannot expect the world to stop to help me when I feel like a bucket of tears.

And, as my mother said, it will only be "ME" who eventually gets lost in all of this. I have photography jobs lined up, worship leading posts booked, piano teaching scheduled ... all would have to be changed while my hubby is unable to help.

We are having a Nanny move in with us today ... and I rejoice. This means that I can actually get OUT of the house ... maybe attend a Women's Event when the boys are in bed, or remake that Spa Utopia appointment that I cancelled last week. See, my hubby is not able to watch the boys - so even when they're tucked into bed, I cannot leave the house JUST in case one of the boys needs something.

I've been trapped, but now I'm free (so dramatic, I know ... it's only been one week). The Nanny moves in at 10am, and we're doing a "trial" until Friday and re-evaluating - giving all parties the opportunity to back out if needed. But I'm not worried.

And this Nanny is just a temp as we start the process of hiring a full-time one ... This Nanny is only in our city for a couple of months - but she will hold us over during the long process of hiring someone permanent.

For me - this means that I will have the energy to do the things that are important to me. Taking the boys to an activity, finishing up the bank statements, having time to prepare a meal, editing client's photos - all without worrying about the things that hang over me. The Nanny will be someone who fills in the gap.

So. There you have it.

I cannot do everything.

** On a side note - I delivered the wedding pics yesterday. It was so wonderful to have teary-eyed happy clients! I will now post some of my favourites at http://www.redhandedphotography.blogspot.com/ and at my official website http://www.redhandedphotography.com/ . Please keep checking back, as these photos will go up in stages ... thanks!!**