03 July 2009

[talk: I Have a Box ...]

I feel grateful for the box of memories I have. It's a small box ... but inside are treasures that I bring out once or twice a year - and just remember. I know that not every mom who has to say good-bye to their little one, has such a gift ...

There's a little casting of Shalom's feet. That is my most sacred possession. Whenever I feel like, "did that really happen? was she really here?", I go to my box and pull out the delicate little casting and stare.

There are other treasures too ...

I had my doctor's appointment yesterday - and confided in him that I had been having nightmares about having another anencephalic baby. I said, "I know that the ultrasounds have been fine, but I'm still really nervous ... is there anything you're not telling me?"

He smiled and assured me that as far as all of my testing went, everything was "normal". Now, he did add that there are things that cannot be shown on an ultrasound (which, of course, I know ...). And that is such a scary thing ... but I am continuing to trust in Him. He is the author of our lives ... He knows what He's doing, and there is safety and security in that ...

Lately, I have been so thankful for the crazy movements that happen at all hours of the day. They used to annoy me ... feel awkward. But I stopped and realized what I was complaining about ... the gift of life.

And after looking at my box, I know that the gift of life is the best gift that God could ever give.

2 comments:

Kristin said...

What a gift it is to realize what we have.

Henri said...

Indeed. It is a blessed person who realizes what he (she) has when he (she!) has it, and not just when it is lost.