I got a phone call from a Public Health Nurse yesterday, going through all the necessary medical questions of jaundice, filled diapers, correct latching etc ... Quite honestly, I just wanted to get off the phone as Katia finally fell asleep and I had promised Mattias that he and I would have a Wii competition. But the nurse kept on and on, Katia started to cry, Mattias was pulling on my leg ... and the poor nurse said, "How are you doing emotionally??"
And the tears rolled down.
I told her that everything really IS fine. My husband has been amazing, friends & family have been so supportive, our home is in order thanks to Miss. S ... but I haven't been getting much consecutive sleep (a night, an hour here an hour there ...) and I feel like my blood is a maze of hormones that makes me dizzy.
She told me, with a smile in her voice, to just have a good cry. I haven't gotten 'round to doing that yet. Seems like I'm being pulled in all the different directions - and I just want to be a good mom. That's what all of us go through, I'm sure. Spending time with one child, while another asks for your attention somewhere else.
This is a short season - and honestly, I actually don't mind the night feedings where Katia and I are alone in the quiet of the night. But I feel so guilty about the time she takes during the day, time that used to be the boys.
BUT - I will say this ... I am SO thankful to be done the pregnant part. I can at least play "hide & seek" with Siah ... I can tickle attack Mattias and have him jump on my back. I can get in and out of bed with ease, the 10times I need to at night, and singing the "Day Song" to the boys (a improvised song I sing every night about what we all did that day) with cuddles is SO much easier ... And the recovery from Katia's birth has been flawless, unlike the other two boys. I am so thankful that there haven't been any complications ...
On another note, my father returned from a Missions Trip to Russia & Poland (our family's love for Russia is shown in our wee girl's name ... ). He was away for the birth, and got to meet his new granddaughter yesterday ... straight from the airport. How long do you think it took for him to fall in love with her?? *GRIN*
Anyway - that's where I'm at today. Feeling blessed, guilty, tired, elated ... basically just a wee bit imbalanced *grin*. If I can stay on top of the emotions, I'll be just fine ... Blogging seems to help - and knowing that this is also journaling (when I print this all out in a book), makes it not seem like such a waste of time *GRIN*.
Have a great one ...