18 August 2010

[talk: Ho. Hum.]

I've been feeling really odd lately.  Super good highs, but really down lows ... and thought maybe I'd post about it and see if any of you out there have any wisdom for me?

Katia will be a year old next week, so I'm not sure if I should be feeling these things all of a sudden?  I mean, my body should be going back to normal now - no?  I've been working hard at getting myself healthy - and all of a sudden, in the last two days - I've hit a wall.  I can't figure it out ... but out of nowhere, I want to sit on the couch, eat myself into oblivion and do nothing.  When the sun was shining, it gave me a headache.  And now that it's cloudy, I want to stay in my jammies. 

What the heck??  I should be running 8km today ... not salivating over the possibility of eating nutella out of the jar ... 

And this is so strange, because Sunday night was a high for me ... leading at the Recovery Service is just plain joy for me.  And I left feeling connected, rejuvenated, filled.  So - how does 48hours take that all away?

I'm just feeling ... well ... useless??  Is that it?  Lonely? ... hmm.  Bored? ... ugh.  I don't know.  Maybe it's that I miss my connections ... being away so much this summer has been a truly great thing, but I've missed out on a lot of much-loved friend time.  

So ... today's plan is that I am going to create some creative-time with my boys.  We are going to create Tias' "Aquarium" cake for his birthday party tomorrow ... that'll either bring tears of joy, or of frustration *grin*.   I'm really looking forward to tomorrow ... the party will be a great time to see friends, and then we're off to a fund-raiser with a bunch of other great people tomorrow night ... 

But for today - I might just let myself have a good cry ... for no reason at all.  And maybe then I'll be able to rid this lame cloud over me.


Have a good one ...


Shawna said...

Ho hum...That's a yucky feeling, we all have those days/weeks so don't feel like you are alone in it!

Hope getting it out makes your day better and hopefully planning for Katia's birthday and celebrating her will bring the sun out over your cloud.

Mary @Delightful Bitefuls said...

Oh boy, do I know what you’re talking about! I’ve been feeling so defeated lately and having really low lows, the kind that knock me out. The worst part is I KNOW it’s taking me out and I can’t do anything about it. I read this devotion last week and it really spoke to me. I hope it speaks to you, too! And, I recommend that you go for your run! ;) I hadn’t run for 3 days and yesterday I didn’t want to go either. I ended up going and even half way through I wanted to quit BUT I persevered and felt WAY better! At least then I knew I had accomplished something, was being healthy and overcame my silly mind games! I went on to have a very productive evening and have a clean house to prove it ;)

For You, Who try the hearts and emotions and thinking powers, are a righteous God.
—Psalm 7:9

God is a God Who tries emotions. What does the word "try" mean in this context? It means to test until purified. A few years ago, as I was praying, God said to me, "Joyce, I am going to test your emotions." I had never heard of anything like that. About six months later I just suddenly seemed to become an emotional wreck. I cried for no reason. Everything hurt my feelings. I thought, "What is the problem here? What's going on?" Then the Lord reminded me of what He had said to me earlier, "I am going to test your emotions." He led me to Psalm 7:9 and Revelation 2:23 and caused me to understand what He was doing for my own good.

No matter who you are, there will be periods of time in which you feel more emotional than usual. You may wake up one morning and feel like breaking down and crying for no reason. During those times you have to be careful because your feelings will get hurt very easily. The slightest thing will set you off. There were times in my life when I would go to bed praying, feeling as sweet as could be, then wake up the next morning like I had stayed up all night eating nails! What should we do when we start feeling that way? First of all, we shouldn't start getting under condemnation. Number two, we shouldn't even try to figure out what is happening. What we should do is simply say, "This is one of those times when my emotions are being tried. I'm going to trust God and learn to control them."

How are you and I ever going to learn to control ourselves emotionally unless God allows us to go through some trying times? If the Lord does not allow such testing times to come upon us, we will never learn how to deal with Satan when he brings them upon us—which he will sooner or later. Trying times are learning times.

Crystal said...

I think it is a completly normal thing after having a "spiritual high" moment..remember the old saying Satan doesn't bother the seat warmers;)I to have just gone through a very interesting season in my life where God stripped me down, and i went through lots of mind games and attacks, but the best thing I am learning is to fill my thoughts with him, his praise, and push through. My daughter is 14 months now, and about the 2 months ago, I felt like i went through delayed post partum, so you are not alone, and as far as I understand it can hit in waves up to a year after..but put on the praise music, don't dwell on the low, but praise him for all the good:)

Canadian Kristin said...

You've had a super busy summer and you're coming up on the one year mark of your Baby Katia and you've been working hard on becoming A Runner... a rest-at-home-eating-Nutella day might just be your body/mind/soul's way to rest and take it all in.

Tawn said...

... thanks everyone for taking the time to share your own journeys with me :-). sometimes blue days just need some validation, you know?