28 February 2011

[talk: At the Core of Who I Am.]

Yesterday, I got to be a part of something great - something that hits me so deep that I cannot explain it.  I know I say it often, but I guess my repetition just lets me know just how important it is to me ... 


It had snowed through the night, made me a bit nervous about whether the band would all get there - but they did.  And it really, truly, rocked my world.

I've been leading worship since I was barely a teenager ... a lifetime ago :-).  And every now and then I get a really overwhelming emotion of gratefulness that someway, somehow, I was chosen for this.  Even 20 years later ... leading, watching, participating, encouraging ... in that moment, in those moments, the rest of the world falls away.

It was interesting because this past weekend I had some pretty intense conversations about my faith.  Truthfully, I don't really like debating about it - but I'm not afraid to.  And I'm not afraid to get stuck in a corner of defending absolutes and just shrugging my shoulders.

See - yesterday morning, having an intimate experience with God in worship, makes every argument and debate fly out the window for me.  Unless you've experienced God's love and His grace - there's no point.  You can argue about emotionalism, manipulation ... you can reason with science and facts.  You can think you've won ... but at the core of who I am, is my faith.  You cannot persuade me, you cannot move me.

So for me, yesterday's service was more than just a worship service.  It was more than seeing other believers encouraging others ... it was more than being a part of incredible music or me giving it my all - it was simply yet another confirmation of who I am and who God is.

I don't know where God is taking me in all of this.   Sometimes I panic about time.  Awe, who am I kidding - I panic about time all the time.  I hear the clock ticking inside my head.  I feel the urgency inside to get going, to make it happen (whatever that is).  I'm continuing to try and figure out how to walk through open doors and what that looks like - and I'm also realizing that I'm already doing that, to some extent.

I've been planting a few idea "seeds" with a friend on the East Coast of America.  I have no clue what it looks like, but I'm believing that the connection there is for a real purpose.  I'm believing that I'll visit Virginia/Washington DC sometime this year and be amazed at how God has been putting all the pieces together.

Again.   No clue what it all looks like ... big dreams don't look the same for everyone.  My big dreams doesn't have to mean big numbers.  But God's plan for me is BIG - whatever it is.  It's His plan.  It can't be small. I can't judge it with human eyes ... touching one life is BIG.


That's what's on my heart and mind today ... confirmation in who I am, stronger belief in who He is, and trying to walk the path that He's leading me on.

And hey ... on a COMPLETE side note (I'm good for that ...) the scale has been surprising me.  131.4lbs.  I'm hoping to be in the 120's (even 129.9 *grin*) by the time we leave next week to our spring break destination ...   Man.  I am only 1lb away from being the LOWEST I've been since I had kiddies ... the weight I was when I finished our "biggest loser" competition.

But I'm not done ... I want to lose some more, tone it up, have the body that makes me feel strong and healthy.  The body that makes me not worry about "if" I can fit into something and where the summer swimsuit season doesn't make me hyperventilate ...

But for this week ... 1.5lbs is ALL I need :-).  Today ... I shall run.

Have a great one.


A GREAT one.

1 comment:

Jen said...

Very well put. You definitely have a way with words :)

I'm so sad I couldn't be there this weekend!