A couple of days ago, a FB friend of a FB friend posted a link called "Why Men and Women Can't Be Friends". There were some deep-rooted comments, and it peaked my interest ... so I watched it.
You can too ... click the movie to watch.
So. What do you think??
I was actually a little dumbfounded by it all ... because if I had been asked, I would've responded like most girls (except the whole "my guy friends actually like me" thing ...). Growing up, the majority of my friends were guys. And although I dated a fair bit, I didn't really date guys that were first my "friend".
But now, as an old-married woman *grin*, I found this video a little ... sad? And have come to a couple conclusions about it.
First ... let me back up. After I watched it, I had a number of conversations about it with various people from my church. Just like the video, guys would smile - get a bit awkward, maybe pull a funny - and say, "no." The guys were pretty adamant that men and women can't "just" be friends. And girls? The complete opposite. In fact, many would say the same thing: "... most of my closest friends are guys."
So ... why do guys and girls view it so differently? Why are girls somewhat bothered at the fact that maybe this is true - that guys really AREN'T their "friends". And why are guys so sure of the fact, and seem to be totally ok with it?
Here's what I think.
In order to think this video has some merit, you need to look at the demography of who's being asked: college students. I'm going to assume that most people interviewed were between the ages of 19-23. And that, in itself, has massive weight on the answers. Girls are fairly naive, but pretty good at flirting by that point. Guys? Territorial. Hormonal. Trying to prove their masculinity. Most ...ok, hear me out, are just figuring out who they are. They probably don't even want an ACTUAL relationship ... they probably don't even really know how to. So their views are built on those things ....
This, being spoken from an old-married woman, remember?
Another thing to take into account, is the definition of "friend". For girls, if you can laugh and say "hi", you're probably a friend. "Friends" are someone who you don't feel uncomfortable alone in a room with *grin* - someone who is probably a FB friend, someone you see every few years. For most guys, this doesn't cut it. To a guy, I think it's a word with a much deeper, weightier meaning. A "friend" is someone you can bear your soul to, someone who's there through thick and thin, someone who's there when you need them the most.
For example, when I was asking people at my church what they thought of this, I asked a guy if he was my "friend". I've known him for 10+ years ... and I was surprised when he said, "well, no. You're more of an acquaintance."
But I asked another guy, a married guy, and he said, "of course Tawn!!" Which leads me to this very warped conclusion.
When you get married, you kinda become ... asexual. *grin*. What I mean by that, is that other people generally see you as "off limits", so there is no sexual tension. A guy isn't going to look at me and say, "wow - that's one hot, married, mother of three." No. Now, of course there are exceptions to this ... and there could even be arguments that some find married people actually more attractive - for whatever reason (boo). But that hasn't really been my experience ... for me, married guys and girls can be "friends" because they're already taken.
Besides, we're not talking about whether guys can be interested in married women or vice versa - we're asking if any man and any woman can JUST be friends.
But again ... you have to DEFINE "friend".
Under the guy's definition ... no. Men and women can't JUST be friends. Because if a girl is bearing her soul, sticking it out through thick and thin, there when he needs her most ... she's probably married to him. *grin*.
I think the whole notion that it's a black and white, "NO" is just silly, though. I mean, it's just plain logic that not every man is interested in every woman. So the women he's NOT interested in ... can't they be friends??? OR is it that guys just want all or nothing ... that if they're not interested in you in a relationship-sort-of-way ... that they really can't be bothered and don't want any sort of relationship at all?
Hmmm. I might be on to something there ...
Where am I going with this? Hmmm ... I don't really know. But it's interesting, no? I'm curious as to what you think ...
"... can men and women JUST be friends?" Can't wait to read the comments on this one *grin*.
Have a great one ...