16 April 2013

[talk: I Can Feel It.]

I can feel it ... something's coming.  And it's not just "wishful thinking" ... it's time.  I know it is.

What am I talking about?  Well ... if you're not a Believer, you may just tune me out right about now, because I am talking about big things happening - spiritually.  With worship.  With our church family.  With the living God.

I've been waiting.  Many years ago there was a season at our church, where amazing things were happening ... but I had gotten married and we chose to attend my hubby's church during those latter times.  And the truth is, I simply wasn't ready.

Since then, both difficult things and fruitful things have happened in my church community.  I've witnessed them myself.  But now -  I just know that something's about to explode ... break through our walls and into our community.  For no other reason, than to heal the broken, give life to the hopeless and restore ... 

Spirit Break Out.  And I am ridiculously excited about this.  

My heart's calling is also being increased.  I'm beginning to feel a responsibility ... I feel courage, I feel urgency ... I feel that it's finally NOW.

What do I mean by all this talk?  I mean, that I believe that those who are ready for more - it's going to happen.  For those who have their own calls on their lives ... it's going to be set in motion.  Lives are going to be changed ... God's glory is going to be evident - undeniable ... and it's going to be contagious.  

I think that there are so many who are ready for this, specifically where we live.  I know that there are people all over the world who are already walking in this today ... who know and are living what I believe is starting to bubble up here ...

I'm embarrassed to say that there was a time when I felt like I was never given any opportunities, like I was a fill-in.  That I was never the one who was chosen.  Then years later, I began to believe that it was a "man's world" out there - so travelling, group song-writing, "being-in-a-band" ... none of these things were conducive with my role as wife and mother, raising three small kids.  I've felt envious of the guys that I've see in the past, living their dreams, of the opportunities they've had ...

And I've actually thought, "Is this it? Does no one else want me??"

I am so happy to say that my mind has been restored in these matters and that I can actually SEE things now.  The enemy loves to cloud the truth and feed us lies of others thinking we are  insignificant - thus producing a false sense of entitlement.   For me, it's been years of working through - but I now see clearly ... I see how the Lord has been preparing me, working on me, and how He has Father-ly reminded me that NO "high-fives" should ever go to me, that I cannot do a moment of worship without submitting it all to Him.  And He has brought me to a place where I can truly see the value of every worship service, of every size, of every congregation.

Another attack on my mind, has been the reality of getting older  I've always seen my age as a potential 'pink slip' - thinking, "I wonder when I'll be seen as un-relatable, as irrelevant."  I remember thinking those very thoughts a very long time ago *grin* - especially when I was pregnant (who wants to see a mammoth woman leading worship??) ... oh the insecurities I have had - the self pity.  I am so ashamed to say that, but it's the truth.

But now I see the amazing opportunities I've been given all of these years - and how they look different than other people's because they've been a part of HIS plan for ME.  I have repented of my jealous heart of other's opportunities, and see the TRUTH in how MANY I have been given.

Oh, how I long to walk in that confidence and to do great things for Him - even if my earthly eyes see those things as small.  I now recognize my life-experiences as an asset, not as a hinderance.  I know that my heart is in a different place, becoming a wife and mother, that losing Shalom, being involved in Recovery Ministry, growing in relationships with new friends, restoring past relationships ... it's all been a journey that I hope continues to shape and teach me.

I am ready.  I am ready to rise up to however He calls me.  I'm ready to be a part of it.  I'm ready to help in any way - to be stretched, to grow, to learn.  I'm ready to SEE with my own eyes, His glory.

Tomorrow morning, I'm leading at She Is.  This weekend, I'm leading at a Conference in Burnaby - Friday, Saturday and Sunday morning.  The following weekend, I'm heading north to lead at our Women's "She is Refreshed" Retreat - Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  The week after that, I'm heading to Wagner Hills Farm to worship with the recovery guys and families there ... it's like the Lord is opening doors as I smack my head with my hand and say, "oh Saviour - NOW I get it."

I am just so excited to have a part - whatever that looks like ... and  to watch each other rise up in our God-given dreams.  To see how each part of the Body of Christ IS significant, IS valuable.  Friends, don't believe the lies that what you do has no relevance.  Don't look at someone else and say, "oh - but they can do this, and I can't."  Don't be frozen with inability because of comparison.  Ask yourself, "what is it that I can do?"  Can you be an encourager?  Can you be hospitable?  Can you be a prayer warrior?  Can you serve?  Can you give?  Ask the Lord to be specific, and WALK in it.  And if you're just plain scared to believe that the dreams He's given you can come to fruition, then let me be someone who cheers you on. 

Let's do this.


Erin said...

Wow. Just Wow. As I am off on an adventure of sorts on my own I really needed to read this. I know who you are in Christ. I see it every time I hear you sing, see you smile, or hear the wonderful words of encouragement that come out of your mouth. For some reason this made me tear up. Simply because I am so happy that you have brought me to this place. Whether you choose to believe it or not you have played a huge part in my being able to say that I love myself more each day and that my heart for Jesus grows with each moment. You are an inspiration. Not only with your relationship with Christ but with the Mother that you have become and the leader that the Lord has molded you to be. I wish you could feel what it feels like to stand with your hands held high serenaded by Gods music sent through your heart. With your voice I am convinced it invites the Lord to join us. When you sing there is an electricity, a passion and hope in the darkest of times for some... I have been there. You tell me to rejoice, to dance, and to praise and I plan to do that until the day he calls me home. The day you said to me to write a psalm and you would put it to music was one of the nicest things that someone has ever said to me. I think about it often and trust me, the day it comes it will be straight from my heart and there is no one else I would trust with it more. So, thank you. For so many things. For the things said and the things that I just know you already know. You are a one-of-a-kind gift from God and I thank him often for the roll you have played in my recovery. XO

Tawn said...

... thankyou-thankyou-thankyou-thankyou!! xo

Yin said...

Hi there! Just came by and feel your excitement and anticipation of what the Lord is and will be doing in your community! Just what I needed to look beyond my individual level struggles and remember how great my God is and His desire to move us at levels beyond what we can see. He is good,and Almighty, all the time. THank you, my scrapbooking friend, and sister in Christ!