08 November 2008

[talk: Dreaming Makes My Brain Hurt]

Seems to me that this has been happening often *grin*. The whole brain thing ... it tends to be working overtime as of late. But that's a good thing, I think. That is, until I start losing sleep over my thoughts and dreams ... yes, I have dreams. I'm pretty sure that I'm "living the dream" already ... I have a good life. And I LOVE life ... and all that is in it. Even the crud, which has been filtering its way into my head recently. But over this last week (that has been high with emotions) I'm starting to remember the dreams that I've had - and deciding whether they are important anymore.

And they are.

I am so thankful *big shout out again here* for Carmen's words in my comments a couple of days back. When she said that " just Tawn" wouldn't BE me anymore if I wasn't a wife. Or a mom. Or a teacher. Or all the other hats that I wear. She is SO right **lightbulb moment**. And that brings me to me - and I think I like "me". I'm 34 now (um. who said that??) and I'm realizing that I am a woman of many opportunities. My life has not been hindered by the right choices I've made, but rather made me IN to this woman that is just "Tawn".

See? My brain hurts.

And my dreams? My OWN dreams - not the ones I have for my family and loved ones? Well - I dream of being involved in worship. And I already am - but I dream of more. I don't know WHAT that means, I just know that I have an ache in my soul for greater things. Not fame or fortune ... but I would love to lead and write songs that touch people. To know that in some small town in Nova Scotia, with the congregation of 50 people are meeting with Him through songs that He's given me to share.

Ever since I can remember, I've dreamt of running my own Bed & Breakfast - but only for those in the ministry who need rest and restoration. I know what the cabin should look like, the layout, the decorating ... And I know what would kinds of food would be on the menu ... Pan seared chicken breast simmered in Marsala and served with oven roasted rosemary potatoes and maple carrots. Lemon pavlova for dessert (how many of YOU have I served that to? *LOL*). I dream of that.

I dream of going to Africa - of seeing the Village of Hope and giving a piece of my heart to yet another group of children. To sing "Father Abraham" and revert to complete silliness. To hear their stories and be changed. And I want to rummage through the markets of Istanbul, buying spices of intense colour and artwork of vivid shapes and hues ...

Oh dear. I've done it again ... ramble ramble ramble. So - those are some of my dreams - and yes, I WILL post my cruise pics on here. They do exist *grin*.

Oh - and before I go, would you mind if I took a moment to thank a couple of people? Yesterday I was informed of a couple of webpages that were created to encourage to me. Seriously. Don't laugh *smile*. They made my day. So thank you DS and ANA ... as I told you both before - you made my heart sing.
And you can write my eulogy anytime *wink*.


Yin said...

Tawn! I don't know you very well yet, but I smiled when I read your recent posts. I had some of those moments too in the past. Somewhat dis-orienting but also made me feel my life more, if you know what I mean? Although in some areas I'm praying about whether a decision for a change is His way, mostly God steadied me and I know the place I am and the life I have is the best I can have, and maybe that will be your experience too. Love your honesty!
Actually I came by to present you a blog award! Come to my blog to see!

Nickie said...

I love your idea of a B&B for those in the ministry! When I lived in Taiwan, there was a missionary retreat center a few hours from where I lived and they let our church do our retreats there. It's name was Oasis, and it truly was an Oasis! It was comfortable, familiar, safe and serene. And the food was amazing, mostly becuase they had REAL BREAD!!! (the bread sucks in Taiwan). I know that they were able to serve and bless many people. Hopefully that "dream" will come to fruition for you one day!

devan said...

"Father Abraham had many sons........... I am one of them....... " ...so Lets all praise the LORD"

...I'll join you any day with bells and whistles on. And, yes, you are more than welcome. :)