[talk: God and the Dead Fish]

I wasn't going to post anything today - not much has happened ... life is trucking along quite nicely. But now, I have something to share.

Last night I noticed that Luigi, Mattias' pet fish, was vertical. Not a good thing for a fish, I think. I mentioned it to Mattias and his eyes welled up and his jaw got firm as he said, "No, Mummy. He's fine." Hmm. This was not going to be easy.

When we came home from preschool today, Luigi was on his side - his gills moving every now and then. Not a good thing for a fish. I warned Mattias, "Luigi is very sick and may die. Sweetheart, I am so sorry." To which the tears flowed and Tias got on his bed and cried as he hugged his favourite stuffed toy.

Oh boy.

Well - Luigi was dead within the hour and when I told Mattias, I was on the phone with my husband. He was actually at the pet store trying to find the perfect replacement for Luigi and had intended on switching them before Mattias realized one of his pets died. Yet again.

But I had mixed feelings about that. See, while Luigi was still alive, we prayed to God that He would make Luigi all better. And I felt that if we switched fishes, Mattias would believe God healed the fish, and I thought that would be wrong of us. God doesn't always heal.

Now, I believe in a God who does heal. How He chooses who and when, that I don't understand. For me, it's like, "Come ON God. Do it for this little boy ... it's just a fish." But He didn't. And you'd think I know all about God and his choosing. He completely restored my husband when he was to have spinal surgery in our first year of marriage (that's a story I'll have to share with you). Completely. And I often forget about that, especially when He chose to not heal our little girl, Shalom.

So. God and the dead fish. He is still God. I just wish that I knew His thought process a little better *smile*. And as for Mattias - I asked him if he wanted to say anything to Luigi before I *cough* flushed him ... and he looked at me with eyes welled and said, "stay here, Mummy." He went upstairs, and after a few minutes, returned downstairs. Big tear stains streaked his face and he said, "I just whispered something softly to him." "What did you say?" I asked. "I said, 'goodbye Luigi'". Seriously. This kid just breaks my heart. And I told him what a beautiful little boy he was, and how proud I am that he loves so much.

And now? Well, I'm actually currently waiting for the clean fish-tank to be ready for Guido. And a new friend ... that's right. My husband came home early from work and brought a smile to Mattias' face with a new little fish. His name? Luigi. Of course.