[talk: Sliding Doors.]

I had a different post up ... if you were here, it was a bit of a mish-mash of whatever-ness.  And then - as Tias was sent off to school, Katia went down for her morning nap, and Josiah was playing nicely while eating his cut-up-apple ... I started thinking ...

I took the earlier post down and started writing this instead:

I've never seen the movie, "Sliding Doors".  I've heard it's good - but when I started thinking this morning, it's name came right to the front of my brain.

I don't believe in fate ... I believe in God.  Not a God who chooses for us, but a God who knows plan A from plan B and C.  I believe in hard work meeting opportunity ... I believe in making good choices and hopefully seeing the fruit in that.  I believe in asking God for guidance and seeing His protection in that ... 

The concept of the Sliding Doors movie is so interesting to me ... it shows a parallel story of a woman's life based on whether she catches a train, or not.  Part of the movie shows what her life would be like if she had, the other part, if she hadn't.

This fascinates me.

I really, really think that our daily choices have such an affect on our lives, and the lives of others.  It's a total ripple effect ... so powerful.   What you choose, what you don't - it can determine someone else's outcome.  I'm sure you've thought, "if only ... ".  Maybe if your friend hadn't been in that car that fateful night, or if you had decided to travel after highschool instead of going straight to uni, or if you had pursued your dream of whatever-it-was, or if you parents never divorced, or if you had chosen to go to Ireland instead of France ... what would life be like now?

This can be a dangerous thought process if you are not happy with where you are now.  But if you ARE, then I think it's sooooo interesting to see how you got there.  I sit here, in my warm house, with Katia safe and sleeping, with Josiah playing with his cars in the background, the whirring of the dryer on, drinking green tea ... and I think about how all the choices I made, and were made for me, led me here.  To this moment.

I am living the life I had hoped to ... so many of us are "living the dream" - whatever that looks like to you. But sometimes - I wonder ... 

Even though I got my first music degree at 17, I had wanted to be a journalist from a young age - not exactly the dream I think my parents had for me.  So, right after highschool I had decided to pursue my NZ citizenship, and look into going to uni over there ... my mom's a kiwi, and so I had really wanted to live in her culture, be with my family over there, live a bit of an adventure.  I wanted to travel the world with a pen in hand, talking to people, seeing things that few get to ... I wanted to be that person.

But - it never happened.  As I was getting my NZ papers together, I had to wait - so I ended up going to Capilano College for the fall and majoring in Music Therapy ... something I had thought might be interesting to me.  It ended up not being what I wanted to do at all, so at winter break I headed back to NZ with a friend and she and I booted about NZ for over a month ... I came back, left Capilano, and was more convinced than ever to finish up my papers and go into journalism.  I wanted a life full of new things ... 

But I guess it wasn't meant to be.

My mom was worried ... she had left NZ for Canada with my dad (he's Canadian) and the heartbreak of leaving her country and family was a difficult one.  She used to always say, "it's just as easy to fall in love with someone from home ... ".  But I wanted something different ... going to school, traveling, hanging with my kiwi friends ... that's what I wanted.  She knew, though, the ache of loneliness after the hype wore off ... 

So. I got my NZ passport, got approval to go to school there - they actually accepted me - ... and ... it never happened.  Instead, my life took a different turn and it's so wild to look back and think, "wow ... what IF??"  What if I had left?  What if I got my journalism degree?  Where would I be living?  Who would I know?  Would I be even half as happy as I am now?

Fascinating.

The people that I hold so close to me - I would probably never have even known.  My my hubby, my in-laws, our friends - the children we have - wouldn't be.  Isn't that a CRAZY thought???

It would be so interesting to see our lives as a movie, parallel with different story lines ... don't you think?  Again - not out of any regret - I'd chose the same life I have right now, over and over again ... but still ... just for a moment to see where my different choices would have led me.

I could be married to a sheep farmer with 6 kids who love to surf and have a strange Canadian/Kiwi accent ... 

WILD.

Have a great one!!