[new baby: Welcome Katia Rose]

Pink. A colour I never thought would be a part of our home ...

On Wednesday, August 26th I had a routine doctor's appointment at 10am. I was curious as to whether anything was "happening", as I had that low, groaning pain for what felt like weeks.

My doctor decided to contact the hospital before he did any checking - as he didn't want to start something if there wasn't any room for me at the hospital. Well - he got the go-ahead, and so he checked. I was 3cm dilated and my waters were "bulging". Sorry for the word picture, but that's what he said *grin*.

After inspection, my doctor said, "Look - it's going to happen in the next couple of days. I don't know how fast you could go into labour, but I would rather have it supervised than have it happen and you not be able to get to the hospital. I think we should book a room, and I'll break your waters and we'll get you to have this baby."

Um. WHAT?? Ok ... my heart started racing ... KNOWING that I'm going to choose to go into the most intense pain?? But it did have it's strong points. Like, I went home, packed our bags. Our boys got to see me NOT in pain, saying, "Ok - the doctor says it's time to go the hospital and have the baby!!"

Mattias was crazy excited, running around the house singing, "We're gonna have a baby. We're gonna have a baby!"

My friend, CW, came and picked me up ... went to the hospital (after waiting for what seemed like the LONGEST train to go through our town ...). My hubby met us there, as did our doctor. Out came the "hook" ... waters broke and the games began. That was at just before 1pm.

Labour didn't start immediately, but once it got going it was *cough*, intense. Labour started just around 3pm. By just before 4pm, I was 7cm ... and was stuck there for what felt like a lifetime (about an hour).

I chose to have no drugs, not to be a hero. But because they can sometimes slow things down, and also I've found that they don't always make things pain-free, but rather just make me feel loopy and out-of-control (while still feeling all of the pain ...).

By 5:20pm I was 9.5cm. Can I tell you that I wanted to jump out the window and make the pain STOP??? The doctor was so patient, and I was begging him to get "this baby out of me". So I was to lay on my side to convince that last half centimeter (which pretty much made me lose my mind ... and my poor mother-in-law had to hear me utter some choice words *grin*). Then, at 5:29pm, I was up on the bed - ready to push ... feeling like I really didn't want to do this anymore ...

Katia (KAH-tyah) Rose was born at 5:34pm, in all of her glory - and my hubby shocked me with his cry "It's a GIRL!!!" and his hand shooting up in victory. Honestly - I didn't care ... I just wanted some reassurance that it was over *grin* and some pain medicine. My body always goes into shock after having a baby - getting the chills and the shakes ... but so worth it ... obviously!

She was 7lbs 6oz (our boys were 6lbs4oz and 6lbs12oz ... ) and 20inches long. The doctor said that she was between 2-3 weeks early (which would've given me the Sept12 due date that the ultra sound had given me ... ). I asked if he regretted starting the process, and he looked at me and said, "Oh, she would've come within 24 hours ... this was a much safer way to have her."

Here's a family pic, when Katia was about 2hrs old.

Our immediate family came to celebrate with us ... we ordered pizza & pop and basically had a bit of a party in the room (um, after I showered and such ...).

I had a good cry in the shower ... a daughter. I couldn't believe it. And it wasn't like I was secretly praying for a girl ... I wasn't. But as soon as I could process it, I realized that God knew what was best for us ... and how the "what ifs" of Shalom would no longer weigh on me.

Katia is not a replacement for Shalom, just as Josiah wasn't. But the fear I had of being an old women, visiting Shalom's grave, wondering what it would've been like to have my daughter ... well, those cobwebs lifted on August 26th.

I have so much more to say ... but there's time for all of that. Thank you to you all for your love and prayers ...

[new baby: Getting Help by Having a Nanny.]

I received a lovely email from a highschool friend, and felt that I needed to respond based on her encouraging words. I won't cut n' paste her email, but the jyst of it was encouragement - that the baby will come *smile* - and what a great job I'm doing with the boys, photography etc ... She even touched me with the whole Proverbs 31 comparison. But at the end of her email, she revealed her own feelings of "having only one child" and struggling at times. And I was sad that I had given her the perception that I could do it all ...

So - LT, this is what I've learned through these past 6 difficult months ...

Anyone who knows me, knows that I take great pride in our home, in our children, in opening that home to many different people, usually a couple of times a week. I've loved running my own music studio, in being involved with music at church ... I love to do things, go places, create things, make memories. But when my hubby broke his leg 24wks ago, and I began to bleed at 14wks pregnant (or was it more/less? ... I can't exactly remember ... ) and ended up in the emergency room - I realized that I could not do all that I had been able to.

And I think that this was a great lesson for me, personally. Why? Because, I've always been confident in what I do, because I care a lot about how others perceive me, because I feel the need to be able to say, "I did that myself." But when our home was in chaos 5 months ago, and I was literally on the ground weeping from exhaustion and the fear of losing our baby, we did what was advised to us - and we got help.

It's a funny thing - because Miss. S has lived with us for a few months now, and it was suggested to me to never talk about her ... because it would take away from anything that I DID do, that people would judge and roll their eyes, that it was nobodys business. But I'm now at a place where I can say, "You know what - I needed help, and if I'm silent about it - it feels like I'm ashamed. And I'm not."... and I literally whacked down my pride (which was a mountain, as embarrassing as that sounds ...) and did what was best for our home during this whole season.

Miss. S is not a "free ride" ticket. It's far from perfect, but the benefits have more than outweighed any negatives. She works two 4hr shifts in a day, Monday to Friday. I don't sit and eat bonbons all day (oooo - that sounds like a nice thing to do, doesn't it??) ... although I have needed her MUCH more these last 2 weeks than I ever thought I would. Basically, whatever I am unable to do, she does. I will not lie - it is pure luxury to not bend down and clean the bathtub (not like I could *laughing* ... that would not be pretty), to know that if our baby comes in the middle of the night - that the boys will not be disturbed and we can leave them in good hands, to not have to lift the heavy items from Costco out of the cart - and the thought of being able to pick Tias up from school without having to wake the baby up from a nap in the fall? I am so very, very, very grateful for this.

I am also extremely grateful to be financially able to have this kind of help. I know that not everyone can. I will also let you know that Canada allows $7000 per child to be written off with nanny care (as IF you'd spend that much!!). A nanny is also so much more than childcare, it's "homecare" - for around $8.00 an hour. A live-in nanny is less expensive than Daycare, or for housecleaning, if you were curious. Heck, we've paid for babysitters that charge $10.00+ per hour.

How long will this season last? We were asked to sign a year contract, that will expire this coming March. Will we renew our contract? Not with the agency, but with Miss. S - I really don't know ... mainly because we have grown to love Miss. S and she is trying to get her residency and bring her son here to be with her. If it takes a few more months of her working for her to do that, then we may decide to keep her on for those few months.

Now - that is not to say that people who choose to have help for longer seasons, shouldn't. Every home, every situation is different. Even our own choice to have live-in help was decided based on very specific circumstances ... if my hubby hadn't busted his leg when he did, I may never had felt desperate enough to need the help.

There are things that I am able to do because I have help. I spend more time with my kids. Our home is basically calm, in functioning order ... that is SUCH an incredible gift for the stage that I'm in with our pregnancy. This is VERY important to my hubby (for all of you who know him, you know he likes his house in order *grin*) If I didn't have the help, things would NOT be so efficient around here.

Do I regret having help? Sometimes ... when I feel like people perhaps belittle my own accomplishments and make me feel like the only reason I can do "anything" is because I have help ... I've only had help for a few months, and I don't like feeling like "everything" that I have accomplished prior to having Miss. S is not my own. But that just goes back to my OWN pride, my OWN issues, and my pride is not what's best for our home.

And I think we all get help in different ways - and it's a beautiful thing to recognise it. Some people receive help by parents having a basement suite that their kids can live in, or perhaps by providing a job or some other financial/tangible way (paying debts, loaning a car, giving an old couch etc..) Some families get together during the week and grandmoms make dinner - relieving the younger moms from having to make something that night. Some families are able to give of their time, and watch their grandchildren for a couple of days during the week while parents go to work, or let those parents have a night out. Some people don't have any family that are able to help, but are surrounded by friends who are so willing to be that "family". Whatever help you get - stop and be thankful. Recognise it. If you don't get help and feel you need it - I would so encourage you to be brave and ask. And if you don't need help, then maybe you're the perfect person to help someone else who does ...

Which leads me to Proverbs 31. Have you ever wondered what the conversation was like between the Proverbs 31 woman, and her husband? As their responsibilities grew, as their "territory" grew ... can you see him sitting down at the dinner table saying, "Look, Honey - I really appreciate the way you help others, and making a warm meal for all of us. But I NEED you to clothe the kids in scarlet - the snow's coming. I don't care how you do it ... go ask the neighbour girls next door to come and help ... you can't do it all on your own because I also need that property bought at the end of the stream ..." Do you think she felt failure? That she didn't measure up? And her having to "give in" and ask for help was easy? ( ... that is, if the Proverbs 31 woman was more than just an example of who we women could be in Christ ...)

So, LT, this post is to let you - and everyone else - know that I do not, cannot, do it all on my own. Having the house in order, the laundry done, playing with the boys, being involved at our church, starting a business - all while being pregnant and with a husband recovering from surgery ... nope. I wasn't able to do it. And I know that many can, and do a fantastic job of it. How does that make me feel? Not so great, actually. But that's ok *smile* ... that's my issue - not theirs.

Will I forget this lesson, and try to be "all of that" when Miss. S leaves and I'm doing it all? I'm HOPING to continue to manage my time wisely - like I used to with only 2 kids - so that when she DOES leave, the hole isn't so huge. But it will be. I know that. There will be definite parts of reality that will slap me in the face ...

I went back to Proverbs 31 and smiled when I read verse 15. She had help. Have a good read of this passage, and you will find MANY things that YOU do are exactly what this scripture encourages us wives, mothers, friends to do ... here's what it says, starting at verse 10:

A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

I believe that this scripture is only possible if you have people around you to support and help. Maybe not - maybe you're doing just fine *smile*. Maybe you could teach me a few things - that would be FINE with me *grin*!!

So, be encouraged - be blessed and know that most of us are on this same journey. And although it looks different from person to person, and home to home, I'm sure we're all just doing the very best that we can.

[cool products: Luxe Designs - Personal Jewelry

**written prior to date, scheduled for posting - in case I'm out of comission *wink**

I have two friends who have the most lovely necklaces ... and I've been coveting them ever since I saw them. I know, shame on me ... blah blah blah *wink*.

I'm not sure if both of them are from the same company, but they're very similar in design. My first friend, LM, has a two strand necklace with little silver tags that hang down. One has the name of her hubby, and the others have the names of her children. It is sooo lovely.

My other friend, SL, put this informative post up a while back - detailing her special purchase. That's where I went for info when I asked my hubby if I could get one after our wee one's born ... Her necklace has other special charms that she chose to create her "individual" necklace. This is a photo from the site - NOT my friend's necklace ... I like hers better *grin*. But just to give you an idea ...

So, the other night, I spent a LONG time going through the website of Luxe Design - trying to come up with a special necklace for me. It took a while ... and I'm not going to order it until this new wee one comes ... after all, THEY'RE going to need to be represented too!!

I chose charms for my hubby, Tias, Siah, Shalom and myself - with a couple of other things that were important to me. Once I order it and get it in my hands, I'll be SURE to show you all about it ...

I love the idea of a "family" necklace ... like how those family rings use to be? With everyone's birthstone? That's what I feel this necklace is ... a modern version of that ...

Have a good one!

[new baby: 38wks+3days]

What's the update? I've had a lot of lovely friends ask how things are going - and I thought I'd just put it on my blog so that everyone gets the same story *smile*.

Well - it's Monday morning and I am full of many emotions. And most of them are way down deep in my bones, a result of a million raging hormones that make me feel like I'm going a wee bit insane *grin*. Pleading insanity isn't necessarily a bad thing ...

Everyone asks, "So - is this pregnancy different?" ... meaning, "Do you think it's a girl?" And truthfully, I have no clue ... but these last 2 weeks have DEFINITELY been different.

I am pretty much in constant pain - that constant groaning, low stomach ache. And THAT is not normal. I remember with Mattias, that the moment I felt something "down low", it was the start of labour. Same with Josiah ... in fact, my water broke BEFORE I even felt the slightest pain.

This pain keeps me from being the mom that I want to be. I am so tired, and on the verge of tears ... again, not because of anything particular - just the whacked out hormones *grin - gotta love them*. My feet are so swollen, that they've now cracked on the top of my foot to where the swollen bends are. I cannot feel the tips of any of my fingers, and lying down to sleep causes both hands to throb with swollen-ness, but with the added aggravation of pins-&-needles.

I drank the "tea" yesterday ... a couple of cups. And not a whole lot changed ... small things I noticed, but nothing big.

I was chatting with a friend on the weekend - and she was so great. I bared my soul to her, all the out-of-control feelings I have, the useless-mother-syndrome ... and she validated me and reminded me that I'm at the end ... that I'm normal. That I'm not being ungrateful ... that I cannot avoid being consumed by these things, because they are living inside of me ...

SO - where does that leave me? Well ... this week is going to be a CALM week, no late nights or doing more than I should. The boys are going to go to bed on time for the entire week ... I'm going to bring my overnight bag with me, wherever I go.

Maybe it'll be today ... or tomorrow. I have have 11 days left before "due date", which means I could have a long ways to go if he/she's overdue ... I cannot control that - and God already has the perfect birthdate for our new little one ...

I just hope it's before my hubby leaves for England on Sept.12.09.

[new baby: The Heirloom Blanket]

When I was pregnant with Josiah, my mother pulled out the circular, white blanket that my Nana had knitted for my arrival. Mom had kept it in pristine condition for 32 years. I wish I could say that it was in the SAME condition *blush*, but I CAN say that it is certainly LOVED by Siah. He has chewed it, pulled it, dragged it - you name it. And it's not so much "white", as it is *cough* ... gray-ish?? He LOVES his blanket.

Well - when we found out we were pregnant with this new little one (come ONNNN baby ... ), I asked my mom if she would consider knitting a blanket for him/her. She actually was pretty excited about it, went out and picked a pattern and the softest white yarn ... and today she presented it to me.

Wanna see?

And wanna see what it looks like in the nursery? Ok - so wehaven't changed the room at all since we prepared it for Josiah. Why bother? I like it, it's calm and cozy ... and if it's a girl - well, then I just might "girly" it up. If it's a boy ... for me, it's perfect.

We did do a LITTLE bit of renos on this room - only in that the carpet was changed and the baseboards/crown moulding were added. Here's the room ... and the most lovely blanket, made with love ...

And I'll let you know that she reads my blog ... so if you are so inclined, you can let her know what a FANTASTIC job she did ... she really did! I'm sure that would make her day! Thanks mom!!

Now on to Tias' blanket?? *wink*