[redhanded photography: Lee & Jenna]

... ok.  Quick update.

I am trying to ween myself off of sugar.  I am addicted.  Plain and simple.   And yesterday I had a headache like non other, which is giving me strength to stay away from it today ... The plan is have a NORMAL relationship with sweet things, as apposed to what it is.  Ha!  Can an addict just have a little?  I think not ... I may have to rethink this whole thing *grin*.

On another note, I have a new post on my Redhanded Photography blog.  Good thing - because I have another wedding this Saturday and I like to have one project done before the other starts.

So stop by, leave a comment, don't leave a comment ... would be glad to have you *smile*.

[shalom: Green Light. ]

*SMILE*

Well.  Three years ago, the silence of those whom I asked to be a part of this vision spoke volumes.  In the same way - your enthusiasm this time was HUGE.  Email after email, messages sent to FB, comments on my link ... 

I am so excited!

SO - here's what's gonna happen ... I'm going to leave this open for the next couple of weeks and give more women the opportunity to contact me regarding their involvement.  Those of you who have already emailed me with with your "I'm IN", then you can start thinking about your story and how you'll put pen to paper to it ... or so to speak.

I will be emailing those who've contacted me with specific details when I get it all figured out.  If you're not sure what this is all about, just scroll down and read the last post ... Please remember that the heart behind this book is to encourage and uplift those who are walking through their loss - and to share how God has carried you through.  The vision is to testify to the hope we have in the Lord.  

If you would like to be a part of this book, have your child's story serve a beautiful purpose, than please contact me at tawnsblog@hotmail.com ...   

[shalom: A Big Dream]

:: ... along the same lines as my last post - I found this.  I wrote this many months ago, and put it in my "drafts" box and was reminded of it today.  I'm feeling a bit of stirring ... ::

A long time ago, I had a dream.  it was a dream about putting together something tangible that would comfort and bless women and families in their journey of loss.

When we walked through our journey with Shalom, it became quite obvious that there wasn't a Hallmark card for the occasion.  I'm sure people felt awkward around us, not sure what to say - and there really wasn't anything out there that could comfort us in our unique situation.  I felt like nobody could relate - no one really knew.

 Then, I received a book from my cousin in New Zealand.  It was called "Jesse: Found In Heaven".  It's the written experience of a pastor's wife, and her journey with her miscarriage.  After I read it, I bought ten copies, and whenever I would hear of someone losing a child through a miscarriage, I would give them this book ... (hmmm ... I really need to get some more of these as I'm all out now ...).

But after I read the book, I thought "Yeah, that's great and all - but it's not my story."  And that's when an idea came to me.

Three years ago I sent out an email to many, many women asking them if they would be interested in being apart of a project that I believed was God-breathed.  And out of over 30 women, only two responded.  Not the best results for moving forward, so I put the whole thing on hold.  But as a many different events have transpired as of late, I think it's time to try again.

Here's my vision:  to have a collection of true-life experiences written by women who have lost a child.  Whether it was through a miscarriage, stillborn, abortion, car accident, cancer - or perhaps the loss of not being able to bear a biological child, or the taking-away of a foster child ... it doesn't matter.  And each story would be individual - but have a positive message in the end of how God has restored, healed or carried them through their trial and is continuing to do so.

My heart is to have this collection, along with black and white photos of each woman (that I could possibly take?) with their story, placed  in Christian bookstores.  To have them in a place where people could find this unique book and say, "Hey - I know someone who needs to read this."

My hope is that all proceeds could go to the BC Children's Hospital, and have all women agree to this upon being apart of this project.

I'm really nervous to put this out there - but I wonder, if you, or someone you know, may wish to be apart of such a project.  I'm scared that no one will respond *blush* ... but I feel that I need to be brave and just do it.

I have only my story - and probably not many in this world could relate to my own loss. And maybe you feel the same. But, I think that if we do this collectively, it could be powerful.

If you're interested, please contact me at:  tawnsblog@hotmail.com .

Thanks.

[talk: Dreams]

I'm not sure what's gotten in to me lately, but I've started feeling a little anxious, a little stuck, a claustrophobic.  I'm a dreamer at heart ... people might be surprised at that.  I'm structured and organized, educated and opinionated ... but a dreamer.

Every now and then, I start to panic over the visions I have in my head.  There's never enough time to do it all ... and am I the only woman who feels the clock ticking?  I feel like I have an expiration date on my relevancy ... 

Maybe it all started with my birthday a couple of weeks ago.

Whatever the case, I know that I know that I know that I am where I am supposed to be.  Being a mom is never "JUST" being a mom.  Being a wife, is a also not a "just" kind of a thing.  Daughter, friend, la la la ... same thing.  I know that I'm not "just" anything, and yet sometimes - I feel like there is so much more.

And this whole photography thing has really met a deep need for me to be creative, to interact with others, to feel like I contribute financially in the home - as small as it is.  But I get frustrated with myself because no one thing satisfies the "itch" I have to learn, to grow, to have something new to show for my life.

I have two very big dreams.  Well.  More than that.  But two that linger over me every day ... 

One, is worship.  And I am so freakin' thankful that our home church allows me the privilege of being involved with beautiful people and anointed music.  When I'm involved, the world stops for me.  In that moment, I am doing exactly what I was created for.  And honestly - sometimes I'm sad that it only happens for a few moments each month.  

The second, is a book that I know I'm supposed to create for moms who have lost children.  It's a huge dream - and it's there every single day ... tapping me on the shoulder, asking when I'm going to start doing it.

So.  I'm a dreamer ... and there's never enough time to do all that I want to.  I want to bake organic bread with my kids, have an hour to work out, edit photos, write songs, brainstorm about the book, meet with a friend for some God inspired conversation, walk to the park with my little fam and hear about school and laugh about their stories ... 

I want it all.  Every day.  All the time.

See the problem?

There's never enough time to do it all ... never enough moments to accomplish everything.  And again - the ticking clock of "how long will I be relevant for" ... and I want to kick the enemy in his teeth for pestering me with lies ...  for telling me that I've missed the boat on some opportunities, that the things that I can do are not important, that only others can be used, can impact, can count.

And I don't want to believe that I can't do all that is in my heart ... why can't I?

I guess it comes down to me loving this thing called life.  And I hope that God will allow me to live long and hard ... because I want to do it all.

[redhanded photography: Scott, Celina & KIds]

Phewf!!  So much to write about - two photo shoots, including a wedding - Mother's Day, hubby's home, kids doing so many new things, Katia's eight month portraits ... life life life ...

SO - for now, no time to share the stuff going on in my head ... just a moment to share the link to one of last week's photo session:  Scott and Celina.  

Click here or the Redhanded Photography blog link on the side bar .  Come stop by - leave a comment if you like ... love to hear from you!

[redhanded photography: Matt & Tracy]

... and some more pics are up at my Redhanded Photography blog.  Come stop by - leave a comment, say "hi" ... do a jig, whatever you like *grin*.

Off to another shoot this afternoon ....

Have a great one!!

[redhanded photography: John & Joelle]

... more pics posted on my Redhanded Photography blog from a family photoshoot that took place last week ...

Consider this your personal invitation to come stop by for a visit *grin*.

Have a great one!

[talk: Another Day, Another Year]

It's been a while.  Well - maybe not ... but it feels like it has been.

It's late Monday night, 11:35pm to be exact ... just finished working out (more on that another time ...), and now I have my blood pumping and need to take a few minutes to calm myself before bed.

So, here I am.

It's been a busy week.  My hubby came home from El Salvador late Wednesday night, and we left for a local "hot springs" for the weekend for his annual Business Meetings.  Which is kinda funny - because my dad, my brother and my hubby are all partners in the firm .., making it more of a family weekend.  It's not like me to leave this post "picture free" ... but I haven't had a moment to even upload anything just yet ... 

It was a great time ... our boys EXCELLED at swimming in the shallow pools.  Josiah (who's 3), was swimming the width of the pool UNDERWATER by the time we left.  So pumped for that!  And the family time was so great for all of us.  Mattias is always a bucket full of tears when things are over, though.  He hates to say goodbye when he's having so much fun. *smile*.

It was also my birthday weekend.  We celebrated with my family at the springs, and tonight we celebrated with my hubby's family.  

It was a funny thing ... because every year I get asked to "make a list" of a few things that I would like.   So I do ... but this year, I really found myself in a place of being sentimental.  I really wanted people to get me what THEY wanted to get me ... 

I got some gifts from my family, that showed such thoughtfulness ( ... if you know me, a bunch a specialty cooking magazines is a wonderful treat!!)  On a sentimental note, I received a lovely phone call from a friend who was out of town, flowers from a couple of beautiful ladies, had a lunch date with two wonderful friends who always know how to make me smile, smiley phone calls, emails, and FB comments - and the beginnings of a treasured friendship renewed.  I was so blessed - and was so touched by so much love!!

As I get older - the more I realize that how people are treated, and how they treat you, really has such a baring on the quality of life that you live.  Without those to share special moments with, those moments are just your own - which is a gift in itself - but I am most thankful for family and friends to share those times with.

Here's to another wonderful year ... and I hope that today brings peace and joy to your home and to those who YOU love.

Have a great one!