[freebies: A Birthday Gift from Me to You ...]

Ok - SOOOO - it's my birthday today and I wanted to give you all something. Lucky for me, Funky Playground Designs has continued it's design contest and there are some cute free kits up!! You have to register, though – so simply have a user name and email addy and you’re good to go.

1. go to www.funkyplaygrounddesigns.com

2. click "gallery" at the top.

3. scroll down to "Capture the Flag"

4. there are PAGES of FREE KITS.

5. Enjoy!!

And thank you for your comments about the Swine Flu ... many of you contacted me privately to share your thoughts and experiences on the subject.

I decided to talk to a family friend, who is a doctor, and get his take on things. He said that there was nothing really to worry about, and that I should be more afraid of going to the doctor's office where people ARE sick, then on the airplane. Apparently, airplanes have very good air filtration - better than going to church, or the mall, or the grocery store.

He also said that the thing he would be more concerned about, would be blood clots. So he gave me instructions to get up and walk around every 1-2 hours - except when sleeping through the night.

In regards to air travel and the Swine Flu, I found this article on CNN and think that it was full of helpful information. Plus, I think I'll purchase one of those masks - just for some added protection.

And my mom - due to a recent flight from my city to Sydney having a 5000ft drop mid-flight, causing the plane to have to land in Hawaii due to 12 injuries on the plane - she was told that this is a VERY rare thing to happen.

So, am I going? Yes. Unless I am told to do otherwise. And I'm starting to get excited ... this is actually going to happen *smile*. Yay!

[vacations: Swine Flu. Not fun.]

I am keeping my eye on this "Swine Flu" thing.

My hubby's assistant is getting married this Saturday - and found out yesterday that her honeymoon plans to Cancun have been cancelled due to the ban on traveling into Mexico. Another friend of mine told me that her friend's vacation plans to Cabo San Lucas were cancelled as well. Them and a host of other unfortunate travelers.

And the numbers of the infected continue to rise in America. To see a global map of the infected, click here. But make sure when you view, you deselect "influenza" and just have "swine flu" - otherwise it may cause you more concern than necessary.

CNN has reported that the WHO warning levels have been moved up to Pandemic Level. Not good. I'm honestly not living in that fear of "oh my WORD. We're all going to die" thing that I would've felt a few weeks ago. But I am needing to be cautious. Concerned isn't the right word, but I'm AWARE of what's going on - and am praying that if it's unsafe to travel for me and my parents to Australia on Sunday, then the doors will close by then.

Not only could it be unsafe, Australia could close it's doors to travelers to help protect themselves. Or New Zealand could follow suit. That could potentially leave us stranded, or simply on an aircraft returning home earlier than planned.

I will be sorely disappointed if our trip is cancelled, but it's only a vacation. If this outbreak really does start making it's way into my own neighbourhood, then I'll want to be here with my family. I'm praying that I won't be the one having to choose ... I'm praying that the doors will be wide open for us to go, or slammed shut.

[talk: More Than I Thought ...]

You've heard me talk about this whole "fear vs. faith" thing over the last number of weeks - and as I continue to try and walk through these issues, I am realizing that I have more fear in my life than I had thought.

Fear, worry, whatever you want to call it.

I fear too many things - things that I cannot control. Which is SUCH a waste of energy, but I'm trying to call it like it is, and deal with it in such a way that I can have a positive outlook - as apposed to the silent doom I feel sometimes.

What do I fear? Oh - the list is ridiculous. I fear earthquakes ... being trapped, being separated from family, losing communication with loved ones, not being able to save my kids from being hurt ... see? Tiresome, pointless fear.

I fear flying. Another thing I cannot control ... and something that pretty much gives me anxiety every night when I think of flying to Sydney on Sunday. What am I so afraid of? Oh, just the basic plummeting in a fiery inferno with that insane dropping feeling ... *laughing*. Oooo - just writing this out seems to be making me smile ...

I fear losing our children to sickness or accident. I fear being alone. I fear being judged. I fear not living up to other's expectations. I fear, I fear, I fear.

And in looking at all of these things carefully, I think that a lot of it boils down to fearing death. Now THAT'S a strange thing for me to say - one who has grown up in Faith and something that I KNOW to be true - the reality of Christ. But it seems to me that somehow, somewhere I have let these thoughts fester and take hold of the silent part of me.

So why put it out there for the world to see? Because I feel it's a tangible way for me to say, "Enough." This whole concept of faith being unable to coincide with fear has been such a wake up call for me. And the truth in that both fear and faith deal with the future - something I definitely cannot control.

So why fear the future? Jeremiah 29:11 is plastered on our basement wall. It says, "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you hope and a future." What powerful words ...

And perhaps we can look at different situations and say, "How can THIS situation be best for me?" or "How can I not fear when You've let me down?" or "It's hard to trust when so many bad things happen in this world." The Truth is still the Truth.

So that is what I am standing on and choosing today, and tomorrow and the day after that. I will not fear about the health of our unborn child. I will not fear this Swine Flu and the illnesses of my children or husband. I will not fear a declining recession. I will not fear because He knows my first and my last days - I will not leave His hand and there is such an incredible peace and confidence that happens when you surrender to that. He is ultimately in control of my future - whatever that looks like.

Hmmm. I think I've said that before ... but I'm finding that I need to remind myself often *smile*.

[digiscrap: Recent Pages & a Plug for a GREAT Restaurant]

I've had some pretty "heavy" posts as of late ... so I thought I'd lighten it up a bit with some recent digipages I've done.

Truth is, is that I haven't had time to scratch my nose - never mind digiscrap - in the last 7 weeks. But with my hubby back into his schedule, some of our evenings have been spent watching the Canucks and with me, digiscrapping.

OH!!! Except last night ... last night we went OUT!!! (How could I have forgotten??). My folks took the boys on a "date", so my hubby and I did the same. We tried out a new restaurant, COZA!, and friends - it is AWESOME. I've heard the locals talk about it, and I thought it was some fancy-schmancy restaurant ... but it isn't. It's very urban, very comfy and VERY delicious. And the value? I thought it was really good, for a fantastic meal. You can order shared platters, all different kinds, with different meats, pastas, veggies etc. And they were around $14/person. Other entrees were between $16 and $25. Not an "every night out" price, but great for a date night. I HIGHLY recommend it.

Ok. So here are some recent pages - not recent pictures *GRIN*. And I seem to like red, but remember - most of these were around Christmas.

Enjoy!

click images to enlarge

[talk: Getting Pregnant ...]

I was going to post on another subject today, but I have found myself in the same conversation with 3 different women over the last two days. All of these women have a desire to get pregnant and are waiting patiently each month. I thought maybe, if one person could benefit from this, then it would be worth posting on my blog.

I know what it is like to desire a child, and have to wait for what felt like forever. And the truth is, is that I really didn't have to wait long. But my first 3 pregnancies all happened within the first two cycles of "trying" - so when this last pregnancy didn't happen right away, I decided to try everything in my power to get things going.

Now - my personal belief is that a child comes in His perfect timing. And that goes for our loss of Shalom ... and our joy of Josiah. There are bad things in this world, but God's desire is for the best for us ...

That being said, I am also a believer in doing all I can in walking through the "open door" He's given. What I mean, is that He's given us a mind to make choices, He's given many the gift of "medicine" and wisdom in taking care of our bodies and such. So, in that, we made a choice to be pro-active while still submitting to the fact that He is ultimately in control.

My husband and I knew we wanted a third child, but started feeling the pressure when it didn't happen as easily as the other previous pregnancies. We chose to use an ovulation kit, and in complete honesty, I got pregnant that very month.

I say that, because maybe someone reading this hasn't tried that route yet. I completely recognize that this is NOT a sure-thing, by any means ... we all know that there are many, many factors in getting pregnant. I just wanted to share with you, what worked for us.

I used the Clearblue Ovulation Tests. I didn't use the digital ones ... and I should say that I actually had to use two kits back-to-back because the first kit never registered me ovulating. Which meant, that I was completely wrong about when I was able to get pregnant. I found that fascinating, because I was so accurate the other times. Perhaps my miscarriage last year messed things up a bit. Whatever the case, once I knew when I could get pregnant - I did.

Maybe this will help you ... I hope it does. And I also found a wealth of information at the Clearblue site. It had many questions, including "Myths and Truths" about getting pregnant. If you're interested ... you can find it here.

For those who have tried for months, even years - I want you to know that my husband and I pray for you. We know that feeling of loss each month, the pain of losing a pregnancy, and the joy of having a "positive" on the stick. We also know what it is to worry about miscarriages and ultrasounds. We truly do pray for peace for those who have a different journey than us, whatever that looks like.

So - I hope that for even just one, that this post is helpful.

[talk & make: A Village, Not an Army]

Ok. So first off, I need your help.

I am preparing for my New Zealand/Australia trip and am having to plan for 14 meals while I'm gone. YIKES. I thought that I would put together a binder for the home, and whoever is here at the time, so that things like "dinner" still happen *smile*.

There are the basics, for example lasagna, but I'm wondering if YOU have any "one dish" meal recipes that can be frozen? I'm hoping for some variety - but also needing to let you know that my hubby doesn't eat fish (except tuna) and doesn't enjoy curry.

Would you be able to help me out? Please send any recipes to helptawn@hotmail.com ... many, many, MANY thanks!!

* * * * * * *

On another note, I am continuing to be reminded that "fear" and "faith" do not coincide together. It seems to be a reoccurring message that is smacking me in the head ... which is a good thing. Sometimes my first reaction is to play out the scenario to it's absolute worst ... and as I said in a previous post - possibly as a defence mechanism to help prevent disappointment and such. Whatever the case, I am now actively aware of this trait and am going to start exercising the muscle of "thanks, but no thanks" when fear rears it's ugly head. A hard muscle to use, for sure, but one that needs to be strengthened. I am thankful for family and friends who gently encourage and are discerning in their timing with such reminders.

Which brings me to my final thought - how we surround ourselves. Our village. The people we allow to speak into our lives. Recently, I purchased a book called "Battlefield of the Mind" by Joyce Meyers. A friend has suggested it, after I found myself confused with contrary advice and comments from different people in my life.

Here's the thing. I believe strongly in being surrounded by like-minded people. People who can hold you accountable and have your best interest at heart. People who know what your ultimate goals are and keep you on the path to getting there. But I'm learning that maybe this should be a small, intimate group - rather than an army of voices. Not because there are only a few with noble character and such, but because it is impossible to be intimate and vulnerable with so many. And sometimes, advice and thoughts are given out without them knowing the entire situation. This is not their fault - but rather it is simply the result of the lack of knowledge of the circumstance and so on.

In my own life, I have mentors, friends - I have family, leadership in our church ... and all of these are good things. In fact, I have different people that I call on for different things in my life. I have life-long family and friends that I know I can be horribly vulnerable with, and they will validate and steer me in the right direction. I also have people who I call on who have wisdom in specific areas of life ... they are truly a gift as well.

But as I am walking out of a difficult circumstance with my hubby's injury and such, I realize that I simply cannot allow everyone's opinion into my heart. Again, not due to their poor character, but due to my own need to keep some things private and not giving them enough information to form a fair opinion.

On an absolute FINAL note *smile*, I would like to thank each and every one of you who commented on my post "Doom of the Change Room". I got some HILARIOUS reactions in my personal email, with women making light of their own situation. Some left comments who felt validated and were relieved that they weren't alone. And I received some responses who's ache I felt, as the walked their own journey of desiring a child. So many voices, so many different circumstances. Each one valid and beautiful in their own way.

Just as each one of us are.

[talk: Britian Has SERIOUS Talent]

Well, if you were here a few days ago when I posted a link to Susan Boyle - you probably were as shocked and touched as I was. She has had more than 19 MILLION hits on youtube and I've seen her on CNN, CBC (Canadian) News and even our local paper. One song has changed her life.

But she could have some competition in 12 year old Shaheen Jafargholi. Take a minute to put another smile on your face ... click here to watch.

Wishing you a wonderful day ...

[new baby: The Doom of the Change Room]

I think every pregnant woman feels it at one point. It's the inevitable "oh my - I'm a house" feeling, where nothing fits, your fingers swell and you're pretty sure that your gums are bleeding from the mild pressure of the toothbrush.

And I'm only 20 weeks.

This pregnancy has been a peculiar one for me. I've had some definite scares and trying times. This child is so incredibly wanted, and I feel so blessed to be having a third baby despite the 5 pregnancies that I've actually had. You'd think that overwhelming feeling of "THANK YOU" would take away the "yuck" of the growing body and loss of self-esteem. It's sad, but it's still a tricky thing for me.

Because my last baby was a January baby, I'm finding that I'm running out of daily clothes as the weather starts to warm up. And today I made the mistake of looking in the full length mirror whilst in the maternity clothes shop. Um. Yeah. NOT cool ... and honestly, I think having 2 full term pregnancies have really wrecked me, and my body is doing 8 month things when I'm only 5 months.
A girlfriend called my cell while I was in the change room and I laughed about how I wish men didn't design maternity clothes. My arms have doubled in size, it seems, and yet EVERY maternity shirt has elastic short sleeves - which pretty much cuts off the circulation to my fingers *grin*. So, no blouse buying today ...

And the bathing suit *laughing*. Ok. THE BATHING SUIT ... I am wondering how I'll wear one in August, when I wouldn't walk out in public in one today. But I will say - the suit in the store was SUPER cute ... black, strapless, one-piece. Perfect for my pre-preggo body. Hmmmm ....

The funny thing is, is that I NEVER look at a pregnant woman and think "ooooh - such a shame. she's lost her waist." *GRIN*. Of course not. So why do I think people are starting at me and thinking those exact things?? Must be hormones. Must be.

SO - this journey continues to be one of learning. You may recall a hard-working journey where I lost a bunch of weight last year in a family version of "the Biggest Loser". I am now the weight I was when I started that ... so that's a good thing *smile*. But it's been hard to watch the numbers on the scale increase and the room in my pants decrease. I KNOW I'm preggo - but that control I found over my weight seems to have completely disappeared.

But all that said - I am so incredibly excited to have this child in September. We all know that children are such a gift. The Lord blesses in MANY MANY ways (families, spouses, spiritually, financially, relationally and on and on ...) and I am so thankful for THIS gift in this time.

I have many, many friends who are "done" having their kids ... and many, many who are eager to add to their family number. It's funny - but I'm kinda on my own right now ... the only pregnant one. Every night I pray for those children I already know, and the ones who are coming.

God's timing doesn't always seem to make sense - I can totally attest to that. But He is always good. I can attest to that as well.

So, for today, I will wear my comfy yoga pants and a loose shirt. I'm going to drink lots of water and maybe even go for a little walk. I am going to do my very best to enjoy this last pregnancy, and not wish the time away- which is so hard to do. I'm going to thank everyone who stops and smiles with genuine sweetness as they watch my growing belly in excitement for my hubby, my kids and myself. And I'm going to be thankful for the stretching, the uncomfortableness, the night-time potty breaks ... and for this life He has given.

[be challenged: Field Trip and More. Of Course.]

Yesterday's fieldtrip really wasn't as scary as I had thought it would be. Sometimes, for me, just IMAGINING things makes me panic - and I make a mountain out of a molehill. I so admire spontaneous people - people who's first reaction is, "No worries - I can figure it out."

I've always been a planner ... I make lists and make sure that I find the most effiecient way to do things and use my time. People who fly by the seat of their pants maybe don't get as much done, but there is a beauty in being flexible and a ready-to-go-attitude.Whatever the case, I DID do a lot of planning to make the fieldtrip work - and I'm so glad I did.

It was a glorious day - and the kids were all so well behaved on the bus, the skytrain, the seabus ... we even got compliments from other passengers on how good our group was. YAY!

On a side note - I wanted to thank all of those who chose to write comments regarding some of my recent thoughts on being His hands and feet. What He would do. And all of that. But I wanted to get you to read a particular comment by a life-long friend, Henri, and be challenged byhis thoughts. You can find his comment here. Just scroll down to the bottom ...

All this focus on this topic has affected my worship set for this Sunday's service. A few lines from a couple of the songs that continue to go through my mind are, " heal my heart and make it clean. open up my eyes to the things unseen. show me how to love like You have loved me. break my heart for what breaks Yours. everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause ...". If you're interested in hearing the whole song you, you can find it here.

Ok - SO sidetracked today ... here are some pics of the fieldtrip. Enjoy!

[talk: More Thoughts ...]

Today I went on a "Transportation Field Trip" with Mattias' preschool. I brought Josiah, along with our help, too. It was a beautiful sunny day, and the excursion went smoothly - and then a "moment" happened where I was reminded of what one of my readers mentioned after my post yesterday.

As we left the seabus, I noticed that a young man looking in my direction. I had a stroller, a camera bag, a backpack, holding one kid's hand while the help helped ... and as we walked by, he came up to me - "Do you have any spare change?"

Now, the truth was - I did. I had a couple of loonies in the bottom of my backpack, under the snacks, the diapers, the blankets and drinks. But for me, it was more than the plight of, "Really? Do I look like someone who could casually reach into her pocket and fish out some quarters?"

Instead, I found myself sizing him up and deciding what he needed it for.

Which leads to a reader who challenged me, and others I'm sure, to do as Christ did ... which really made me think. Honestly - there are situations where I'm not REALLY sure WHAT He would do. I wonder if each situation was different, or whether there was a "golden rule" He followed ...

For me, I find myself evaluating each moment. Being a steward of the money that He has held me responsible for, being generous, being wise ... all of these things come into my mind. There have been times in the past where my hubby and I have given food to those asking for money, even going into a fastfood restaurant to get a hot meal.

Only to have the person turn around and try and sell it before we had even walked away.

And that's ok. See, for US, that moment was about us doing what we felt led by HIM to do - not what the person receiving it would do. That's what I always try and remember ... sometimes the lesson is about our own choices, as apposed to deciding how THEIR choices have led them to their current situation ...

I believe that as we become more aware of, in fact, being His hands and feet, we will use the same wisdom in how He used them.

Just a thought.

OH. And pics of the excursion to be posted ... soon *smile*.

[talk: Not So Noble.]

A few years back, I went to a weekend-seminar-type-thingy to learn some compassion. Seriously. Now, those who know me - that might make them smile. See - for those of you who don't know me - I'm a pretty black n' white, logical, "you make your bed, you lie in it" kind of person. Compassion has never been my strong-suit.

This was all before Shalom when I learned that God is a God of gray too; not just black and white.

But at this seminar, a question was posted to me that was brought back to my mind today as I was reading our city's paper. There had been an article about a homeless man, ridden to a wheelchair, who had been murdered while seeking shelter at an elementary school over the long weekend. Apparently, there are over 100 homeless people who need the same thing throughout the week.

The city's MLP was stating that they needed more shelters to protect these people from the elements and harm. And I think that MOST citizens would agree to this - get them the adequate housing, keep them off the streets and away from harmful behaviour - do it.

So - what was the question? It was this:

"If you found out that they were tearing down the houses across the street to build a homeless shelter, would you object? What if they were building Government Housing? Social Assisted Housing?"

When this question was posed to me, my first reaction was, "YES!" Why? Well, all the stereo-typical scenarios came flooding. Drug abuse. Alcohol abuse. Graffiti. Theft. Loitering. Littering. Violence. Domestic abuse. You name it, I thought it. I have small children. I have money invested in our home. I have a quality of life that I want to sustain.

So - as I read the paper today, I found myself saying "YES - we NEED more social housing. We need to give the sick, the down and out, the lost - a place to be safe."

But, even now, would I want it built across the street?

Makes you think, doesn't it?

Over the next few days, I am hoping to stretch myself in front of you - as to what it is to be generous, to be compassionate, to be as Christ would be. Please come back as your thoughts will hopefully spark an honest discussion about our generation, our financial security and what we are called to do for our fellow man.

[talk: Judging a Book By it's Cover]

Do you ever watch those reality shows, where you feel like you're watching a train wreck - and can't look away? Do you feel sorry for those poor people who think that they're riddled with talent, when in truth they're riddled with fantasy? Or maybe you get angry at the networks for using these individuals to create comedy at their expense ...

Whatever the case, I thought I'd post this. It makes me cry every time ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

[freebies: Digi Scrap Freebies ...]

HAPPY EASTER!!!

And what a lovely gift Funky Playground Designs is giving ... They're having a design contest, which means YOU get a BUNCH of FREE kits to download.

I was so excited - they have a "Here We Bowl" kit ... perfect for those bowling pictures I took a while back ... And a scad-load of other ones.

You DO have to be registered there ... not a big deal, just a user name and email addy. I use a hotmail one that I created to give out to all the scrapbooking sites so my personal addy doesn't get spam ever.

Interested??? I can't give you the EXACT link because you have to be registered to get in ... but here's how you find the FREE kits.

1. go to www.funkyplaygrounddesigns.com
2. click "gallery" at the top.
3. scroll down to "Capture the Flag"
4. there are PAGES of FREE KITS.
5. enjoy!!

And on a COMPLETELY different note ... I am feeling overwhelmed with God's timing. Now, I didn't actually get to HEAR the sermon this morning, I was with the 2 year olds - but my hubby was telling me what was spoken and it's EXACTLY what I've been thinking about as of late. I am so excited to download the sermon and learn, reflect, grow ... I'll put the link up when it's ready.

So HAPPY EASTER. He IS risen!

[talk: Easter Egg Hunt with Friends]

Every year we go to our friend's home for an Easter Extravaganza ... and it never disappoints. This year, there were over 50 people there - so the house was definitely full!

The premise is this - prior to the event, every family gets a list of all the kids names. Each household is to bring a "prize" for each child ... you can imagine how much STUFF these kids get. Oh - and the main rule is that you are to spend no more than $1 on each kid ... which is good, considering there were over 25 this year *grin*!! And every home brings a dish to contribute to the "brunch potluck" ... so there is plenty of munching goin' on - my kind of event!!

My boys are starting to remember these traditions and look forward to them ... but it doesn't take much to realize that this very special time in our lives won't last forever. So, instead of wishing a long day away, today we savoured it all ...

THANK YOU, K&C ...

[talk: In My Hubby's Own Words ...]

In my hubby's own words ... his update with some lovely pics to boot *grin*. This first pic is of his bones BROKEN ... can you see on the left? OUCH.

"Hello All,

Today I had an appointment at the hospital at 7am for a checkup and to have the staples removed from my surgery which did hurt a lot but not as bad as the pain I’ve been through over the last 4 and half weeks. I was told that I cannot put any weight on my left leg for the next five weeks. I did receive a new black cast today which looks pretty nice. I will have this cast removed on May 14th and at that time I will receive an air cast for another few weeks.

I have two large incisions on each side of my lower leg with a total of 26 staples. I had two larger plates attached to my two bones with a total of 13 screws. I was told today that I have a lot of hardware in my leg and to expect that I will beep when going through security checks. The surgeon just said to show them the incisions and I’ll be fine.

I have attached a few pictures of today’s appointment. Some of the pictures are before they removed the staples and some are after. I have also attached pictures of my X-rays of before surgery and after.

I hope you enjoy these pictures at my expense.

Thanks."

[talk: Breathing OUT ... ]

I'm dancing.

Well, not on the outside ... it's a little hard to dance whilst typing ... but know, in my innermost, I am dancing.

I just called the doctor's office and they confirmed what I've felt in my heart all day: everything is perfectly fine. I can breathe in, I can finally breathe out ... all is well.

The ultrasound was fairly uneventful ... but the girl knew who I was because of Shalom. A weird thing to be famous for in the medical world *smile*. But it was good - because she was as reassuring as she was able to be, and kept me feeling calm.

I was at my church this morning and went to visit the "heads" of the music department. I call it my "small church' in my 'big church' - and it's great to have specific people who cover you in times like this.

DM is an amazing prayer warrior ... I so admire him. And SB has a calmness about her and a reassurance that I so needed today.

But before DM prayed, he looked at me with a smile in his eyes and said, "I will pray ... but you need to trade your fear for faith. Fear is the opposite of faith. You cannot have faith if you have fear." Well, I broke. Of COURSE I have fear ... a pretty validated case of it, I think. But that didn't change the truth in what he said.

I think for me, that I excuse my fear and say it's "wisdom of experience." A way to protect myself. A logical way to prepare myself for the worst. But He has not given us a spirit of fear, but a sound mind. SOUND. Calm. Logical. Clear.

And sure, I can sit here even now and say, "Oh - that's easy to type when you have the good news today ..." but I can sincerely say that I FELT peace and comfort and reassurance this entire day.

So thank you to ALL of you who have drenched me in your prayers. I don't know how those who don't know the Lord get through hard times. I rely so much on my church family, those friends who stand strong in their faith along side us. This world would be a terrifying place without them and the Truth that we walk in together.

And as someone who has walked the grief of having a child formed without a skull or brain, can I tell you how BEAUTIFUL this spooky photo is? *SMILE*. Isn't our baby lovely?? Ok. Well. Maybe not LOVELY. But ...well ... no ... they're lovely.

[talk: Countdown to Ultrasound]

It's 8am. My ultrasound is at 10:30am.

How am I feeling? Nervous. Very nervous.

Why? Because this pregnancy has already had some strange things in it - and I have actually had "pain" (like a pulled muscle? not labour cramping ...).

Obviously, the most important thing is our baby ... so I may be faced with having to cancel my dream-trip with my parents to NZ / Auz. Would I be disappointed? Sure. Would I do anything to ensure the safe arrival of our wee one. You bet.

SO ... if you read this before I post the update - would you mind taking a moment and lifting our little one up to our Heavenly Father? I know that I will feel your prayers as the doppler scans it's way across my growing belly ....

Thank you.

[talk: These Are The Days of Our Lives ...]

Did you ever watch that show? You know, "Days of Our Lives"? I have to admit that when I was in highschool, I watched it in the summer - only to have to wean myself from the addiction of "what's next" by the time fall rolled around.

Well. I haven't watched that show since '92 - but I have FELT like there's a deep voice introducing my day for these past few weeks ... "... these are the Days of Our Lives ...". HA!! *grin*

How THANKFUL I am I to say that today has been boring *laughing*. Uneventful ... normal!! I did some grocery shopping after dropping Tias off at preschool, picked him up, made lunch for the family, watched the boys play in the sunshine, put the wee one to bed for his nap ... and now I'm getting ready to start planning the week.

We have a lot on our calendar ... I'm doing a photoshoot on Thursday - really low key, low stress - and I'm looking so forward to it. Then it's Easter long weekend ... we have a few things planned with the kids ... should be a good weekend. Then next weekend I'm leading worship at Absolute Adoration and also on the Sunday morning. So there'll be a couple of practices that week ... but again, not high stress - just something I really enjoy.

My hubby DID bring something up today ... my NZ / Auz trip ... he very carefully asked if I thought I should still go. "WHAT???" I panicked. I am so looking forward to this time with my parents and think it's perfect timing after all that has gone on around here. But - obviously - we don't want to do anything stupid. So, we agreed that Wednesday's ultrasound will give us our answer.

Have you been able to get outside today? It is GLORIOUS ... and yesterday, my mom-in-law and I walked the boys to the park for some much needed exercise ...

Here are some pics ...

[talk: The Emergency Room]

Our Saturday had started out just fine. My hubby woke up - feeling really good and wanting to join me and the boys at their first ice skating lesson. We had asked my bro & sis-in-law to join us, as neither my hubby or I could actually get on the ice *smile*.

We had our usual pancake breakfast, got bundled and packed up and off we went. Our first family outing in almost a month.

Josiah hated it ... but by the end my brother had him warmed up to the idea of being on the ice. And Mattias - well he was off on his own, loving every moment of it. I knew that it was KILLING my hubby not being out there ... this was the "father/son" activity that he purposely had planned to do. Ah well - he WAS there and cheering his boys on. THAT was a great thing!! Then off to Tim Hortons for some yummy Timbits and family time.

But as the day went on - I found my body doing things that made me terribly uneasy, and after a quick visit to the walk in clinic to get checked, I was ordered to the emergency room. UGH. My hubby was unable to come so my fantastic sis-in-law gave up her afternoon and kept me company in the emerg for the next 4 hours. Other family came to our house to help my hubby with the boys.

Without going into the private details *blush*, the fear was that I was going into premature labour and my cervix was opening up. We were told that IF that was the case, there was nothing they could do. Being 18 weeks ensured a loss.

I had a really great doctor ... I felt he was very thorough and took time to hear what was going on. Of course, he asked about previous pregnancies - which of course brought up Shalom. And that's always a long conversation ... making sure to end it with the Genetic Testing done at the best hospital in the city and with good results.

After blood tests, urine tests, and a lovely internal *grin*I was told that all looked fine. We also heard a strong heartbeat. YAY! However, I've been put on bed-rest, in that I am not to do anything more than the minimum when it comes to lifting, moving, carrying, bending, stretching etc ... I'm not sure for how long, so hopefully if I take it easy for a couple of weeks it'll all go well again.

I have my scheduled ultra sound for Wednesday. Of course, this brings a little panic to my heart, but knowing that the heartbeat and such is fine, I am choosing to believe that we have nothing to worry about. And I am hoping my hubby can come with me to that appointment ... it will be so much easier to walk through with him there, good or bad.

So that's the latest 'round here *smile*. How 'bout NO DRAMA for a good 48 hours?? I'm passing the mantle on to someone else *grin*.

Here are some pics of the skating lessons ...

[talk: Another Update]

Well - when we do something around here, we do it full tilt. HA!

I went to go pick up my hubby at 10am yesterday ... and he was discharged at 11am, once he could show that he could use his crutches.

His surgeon came in, told us how well the surgery went - although it was longer than he had thought as the bones had begun to set in the wrong place. He told us that there would be a lot of pain, to watch out for a "choking" feeling around his leg, cold/blue toes and tremendous, writhing pain. Those were indications of something very bad, and we would need to go to emergency right away.

I wish he had just told me, instead of planting these ideas in my hubby's head. How was he supposed to decipher between really bad pain, and tremendous pain? He had 2 plates, numerous screws and staples put in - never mind the bone being adjusted and filed down ... makes me cringe just thinking about it ...

Throughout yesterday, I would ask him the rotation of questions and make sure that his toes were always warm. But by around 8:30pm, he was starting to get anxious about the pain - and by 10pm he was telling me the pain was a 9 out of 10. He wanted to go to emergency.

Now - in our first year of marriage, my hubby was needing spinal surgery for a ruptured disk in his neck. THAT was a 9/10 and I know how he acted during those bouts of tremendous pain. Last night, he never showed that - and I was very skeptical as to whether the pain was causing him to want to go to the hospital, or whether it was the worry.

After questioning him repeatedly, and totally NOT to diminish his pain or anxiousness, I realized that he was not taking the adequate pain medication as often as he was meant to. Armed with that, I suggested he take his full dose (to which he fell asleep soon after) - and I set my alarm for 2:30am to make sure I went to check up on him.

At 2:30am I went downstairs, gave him his meds and asked him how the pain was ... he said it was a "Zero". HA! But then, he said, "But I'm pretty sure that's just because of the pain killers." I LAUGHED ... of course it was *smile*. He seems to think he needs to be in pain, or not take the pain meds ... which is so silly, having had such intrusive surgery.

He's been doing much better, in my humble opinion. Definitely feels the twang of "ouch" every now and then - but not nearly the way it's been for the last few weeks.

And me? Well, I'm feeling my heavy eyelids way too early ... but am able to rest right now. A friend has Mattias, and Josiah is sleeping - so I think I'll do the same. I have to remember to take care of the wee one inside of me too *smile*.

I hope to find something else to talk about tomorrow ... *smile*

... and is it really April?? Oh my WORD ...